My internet is working again.
I've gotten a few more hours at work, which is nice. I've been working about 4 hours a day on average and my boss gave me a couple more days. My first table was awesome. It was two high school boys. They were pretty cute. The one boy gave me an interesting look, then I realized that I was wearing the shirt that shows cleavage if I lean over, and I totally leaned right in front of him, lol. He and his friends were giggly everytime I walked by. I would have been a little creeped out, but the boys got weird in a nervous way, not weird in a perv way, so it was just cute then, lol.

I'll post more when my internet at home works again. I just saw the movie Crush. It's a really good movie. It's not super exciting, but it was still really good. It's kind of funny that out of 15 videos I've checked out at the library- 8 of them have taken place in England. I haven't watched many English movies, until now. I usually rent movies because the covers look cool (since they're free at the library). I usually don't know what they're about when I rent them. I'm getting tired of small town movies and hyper realism and movies that don't keep the cameras steady. I don't reccomend the movie Love Serenade. It was ok, but uncomfortable and a bit boring. The movie Virgin was ok, interesting idea. I can't remember the name of the other movie I rented. It was a cute Japanese movie about a lesbian and the boy who likes her. I thought the boy was really cute, lol (not usually the point of lesbian movies). The movie was kind of slow, but cute.

I love jogging now! I use to hate it more than almost anything. It was the thing I dreaded most about PE, which was my most dreaded classes. I always had dreams about running (dreams- as in when I'm sleeping). But I never ran outside because the neighbor kids made fun of me and because I use to be really over weight and out of shape. I'm at least 20 pounds lighter than high school though and I don't know anyone in this part of town. I've already noticed that I'm getting into better shape! I'm able to run a lot faster and longer than ever before. I'm going to go to my parents house and run on their tredmill soon to see how far and how fast I can go. Hopefully, in a month I'll be able to see that I got even better. I'll have to try riding my bike again one of these days. I still don't know if I'm in good enough shape to go on a very long bike ride- the last time I thought I was going to die, I was seriously worried. I think I'll stick to jogging/walking/yoga for now.

I was really sad today, I realized after I woke up, read a book from the library, listened to a cd I got from the library, watched a movie I got from the library, watched tv with my roommate, went for a jog, went to the grocery store, made dinner, baked cookies- I had officially done everything there is to do here (if you don't have friends to camp with or play mini golf with). I've started going out to dinner alone and I plan on going to some coffee shops alone and possibly do some day trips alone. Everyone is too far away! The 16 year old girl told me that I should stop by her house if I'm around that area- which is nice, I see her as a new friend now- but I doubt we'll be hanging out all the time (she gets grounded a lot and I dont' know if I'll relate to her younger friends, lol.). Oh well, I shouldn't complain. I'd probably have more friends if I got out of the house more and tried talking to people more. Or at least I hope. I'm hoping it's easier to meet people if I get out or go to other parts of town- I don't want to think that it'll be like this all the time when I get out of college.

I was in charge of the restaurant today, which is always awesome. The cute delivery boy (17 years old) and the nice girl (16)was working today. I feel so old now! She told me about how unfair her mom is with punishments. I actually agreed with her mom though! Then she told me about her boyfriend and a different guy she liked. It all sounded really immature and I couldn't relate or I realized how adult my problems really are. She also checked out some guys that I couldn't see as anything but kids (13/14 year olds). Here was our conversation:
Lindsay- It's so unfair my mom grounded me for drinking with a 30 year old.
Me- Oh my god! Did she call the cops on him!?
Lindsay- She treatend to call them.
Me- That's what I would have done. He's creepy.

Lindsay- So my boyfriend said that he doesn't want kids and that's a big problem for me since I want them someday.
Me- Yeah it was a problem for me that my boyfriend didn't want to have kids because I was worried I'd get pregnant and he wouldn't be there for us.
Lindsay- Well, my boyfriend said he would wait until he's 23 to make his decision about kids.
Me- My boyfriend was 23, so he probably won't be having a huge drastic change of mind in the time that I would have been dating him. How old is your boyfriend now?
Lindsay- 13.
Me- wow.

Me- Wow, the prices haven't changed much in the 5 years I've been working here.
Trevor- wow, I wasn't even old enough to legally work then. I was barely old enough to stay home alone.

I told my roommate (27 years old) about the situation of me feeling old and work and gave her examples why and she gave me that look- that I was being nieve about stuff in my own life- like I was thinking about these kids. So, I think this is helping me to find an appropriate dating age range. My previous thought was 17-30 years old. Now, I'm thinking 18-26 is sounding better. Although the upper age limit is hard for me to guess considering everyone is different, age is less important when you get older, and because I don't know what it's like to be those ages. Vince- I'm seriously starting to question dating younger people. Although if you have similar interests/hobbies and your dating appropriately, and they aren't nieve, then it might be ok. But I don't know many younger people who aren't at the same level as someone who's had some time away from the parents house.

I was majorly craving burittos today. I was going to go out by myself to get one and watch movies tonight- to do something special even though I don't have many people here to hang out with. I decided that that made me sad to get burritos alone, so I invited my brother to meet me there (about 20minutes from both our places). I got there on time and he didn't show up! I ate alone and sat there waiting for him. After 40 minutes and my food and water was gone I left. I found him freaking out in his car. He was sweaty and his head was bobbing. He got out when he saw me and walked away. He could barely function walking, I had never seen him THAT drunk. It was ridiculous. I can't believe he drove in downtown Denver traffic when he was that gone! I can't believe he actually found the place let alone get there safely. I was so pissed at him. I've know he's an alcoholic for years now, my parents have know for months. He went to de-tox last december. I went to call my parents because I was sick of taking care of him when he's drunk and he's not being rational or safe. He got into my car when I went to call them. I started to drive him to my parent's house when I noticed that he was passed out with his eyes rolling back. I started crying. I got home and he didn't wake up. I parked my car and told my parents he was passed out in the car still. I went to my old room while they got him out and tried to talk to him. When my parents were talking he tried to run either to the basement or the garage (we aren't sure) and he fell over and puked. He got it on the walls, the washier and drier, himself, and the floor. He might have hurt himself falling down, I'm not sure. My parents got his puked on clothes off and put him in bed. My dad stayed with him to make sure he didn't roll over and drown in his own puke. My mom and I drove to get his car and pack a bag for him. I had to dig threw his puked on clothes to find his car keys. When we were at his apartment my mom and I found over 15 bottles of hard liquor hidden around his apartment. We dumped them all out and threw away the bottles. He had some as decoration and some he collected from England that meant a lot to him, so I convinced my mom to dump them but not throw them away. Which was hard because I thought the fact that he thought the alcohol bottles were something cool to collect and show off was sad. We threw out three trash bags of liquor bottles and boxes. My mom asked me for advice about what to do with him, as I drove her home. I told her everything I knew about that he lied to them about that didn't matter anymore. I felt bad for my parents and for my brother. I don't know what they are going to do, but I have a bad feeling that this time wont be any different from any other tragidy or issue to happen with the family. They don't seem to want to change anything- the way he lives his life or the way they deal with him. I don't know what I'm going to do. I already don't let him drive me anywhere, I make him pay for things upfront, I don't go anywhere with him that I can't take care of both of us at, I don't meet him anywhere I wouldn't mind being at alone, and I dont' take him to things like concerts anymore (he's passed out or spent all the cash I had on me at them or drove us home drunk, or got scary because of drinking). One time I had to escape from his apartment and steal his car to get home because he was being really scary and I was crying and scared and I couldn't get home.
When people ask me why I don't drink and think my excuses are lame- shut the f*ck up and don't talk to me until you have to dig threw your brother's puke to find his car keys, until you nearly get into trouble with the police because of the stupid drunk people you're taking care of doing stupid things, or when you've been a victim of serious crimes because of stupid a**hole alcoholics! Seriously. I feel I owe nothing to drunk people anymore. I'm not going out of my way to take care of people when they are drunk. If I'm there and they need help, that's one thing, but I'm not taking sh*t from people anymore. I'm not going to go out of my way in anyway for people so that they can get drunk. If I see my brother driving drunk ever again, I'm calling the police, I'm not kidding. He's been doing that too long. I've tried helping him, now I'm going to help the people that could possibly get hurt by him. I'm not buying alcohol for anyone when I'm 21, and I'm not driving people to parties to get drunk. If I'm at a party I will take them home, but I'm not going out of my way. I'm think it's safe to say that alcohol will be against my created religion.

The Lisa Summer Make-over plan:
1. jogging, walking, biking, palates, and yoga
2. hair cut, dentist check up, get glasses fixed and new prescription
3. home-done facials, manicures, pedicures, exfoliating, moisturizing.
4. throw out or give away everything in my room I don't want anymore
5. clean up computer, filing cabinent, and any other storage space
6. showering, grooming, etc. on a very regular basis (did that before, but better even now)
7. sun tanning
8. reading, writing, and meditating regularly
9. trying to make new friends in the area
10. getting out and doing new things every once in a while
11. eating on a more regular basis (not forgetting to eat for long periods of time, then eating lots).
12. got some new clothes (including a summer dress- which I've always wanted)


I am in love with a new book! Seriously in love with it, lol. It's called "Write it Down, Make it Happen". As you can tell from the list above- I already like to write stuff down, make lists, etc. This book rocks! Most books I read that are like this- I set down for long periods of time and don't feel like doing the exercises in them. But this book- the only time I've set it down is to do the exercises (happily/excitedly), then I pick it up and read it again. (I'm half way done already and I just started it earlier today).

I went downtown with Jefferson and two of his gal-pals last night. They were cool. We went to a coffee shop, then walked around downtown. It was fun and the girls were really nice. Jefferson told them I had been flirting with Mike at the party. They both looked shocked and both said, "Oh my god! Why!?" lol. They were stunned. I've gotten that reaction about other guys I've flirted with, but I didn't think I'd get that reaction from anyone knowing him. I guess he has a huge crush on one of the girls and he use to kind of date the other girl. I don't know how to interpret their shock.
I just finished watching Iron Jawed Angels (movie). It's about some women's sufferagists during the early 1900s. It's an awesome movie! I'm totally inspired to do more feminist work now. It got me thinking about things that need to be done at this time in history, some feminist issues aren't as big of issues anymore (ex: we can vote, rape is illegal, we can work, etc.). There's absolutely more that needs to be done though. I'm doing some brainstorming and trying to figure out how to fix some of the problems from last year and try to see if I can work some stuff out and re-charge before the new year. (I was really burnt out and stressed from last year). This might be a short burst of inspiration, like a couple months ago, but maybe not.

Gee Wiz! I was planning on waking up at 9:30am this morning, so I went bed around 1am. I ended waking up at 3pm! That's so wild! I was groggy for a long time because of that. Work was good, I had a lot to do. I've discovered how much people tell me random personal things because they know I'm feminist/bi/psychology student, lol. I think I hear more about people's periods, menopause symptoms, same-sex fantasies, and confessional type things about their love-lives and personal lives. I find it amusing, I just think it's funny. I realized this when the third person in the last couple days told me all about their menopause symptoms, lol. I love myspace.com and okcupid. I put on my profile how much I like sociology. Two really smart people have contacted me with some of thier ideas. One guy has talked to me about his theories of relationships and the other guy has theories about dystopias. That's pretty cool.
Wow, I also had an arguement with someone about why our country is doing fine and I shot down a couple of his really libral points. I started to scare myself! lol. I'm not too worried though. I'm still a bit worried that my friend last year told me that my belief were basically Mormon. I checked out a couple books about it to see if that's true. So far it seems that I'm not actually Mormon and she was just trying to get me to talk to the missionaries. I still think I'm a libral, non-Mormon, non-Christian, feminist person. lol.

My dream last night- I was hanging out with the characters of the show Dharma and Greg. We were haning out when I found out I just had a baby, lol. Apparently the baby was Greg's. Then we went to dinner party where they were doing a sayance, when I looked down and realized that I was pregnant again. The baby was born quickly and we found out that it was really small and possibly sick (this baby was apparently one of my ex-boyfriend's baby). I was getting worried about having two babies to take care of when I found out that I was pregnant again with some other guy's baby, lol. I was still happy about that baby though and I knew that Greg would help me take care of the babies. I woke up before the third baby was born and before I could suddenly become pregnant with the other guys in the dream babies, lol.

I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamed that my family and I went to Cambodia. I flew around the mountains, waterfalls, temples. The trees were really realistic and beautiful. There were monkies playing on the temples. We stayed at one of the "locals" houses (although in the dream they were Middle Eastern). They were total jerks and we wanted to leave the house but there was a cival war going on- so we mostly had to stay inside.
Ah, cute boy at work! I talked to him more. He's so sweet. He got called into work unexpectedly and didnt' have time to get ready, he still looked incredibly cute. He has a very clean-cut look most of the time. He was wearing a baby blue, collar shirt today. He asked me what I was doing tonight. I said nothing in perticular. I asked what he was doing, he said he was grounded- ah! I asked him what he does in his spare time. He said that he mostly hangs out with his friends and does boring stuff, and wishes he did more fun stuff. He asked me what I do. I told him I didn't do much since most my friends live far away. He seemed sympathetic. I asked him if he had a girl friend. He got all emberrised and seemed surprised that I would ask. He said that he didn't but that he'd probably have more fun if he did. :-) I think our conversation was good today, it established the fact that we're both bored and single, lol. I might casually bring up the idea of us hanging out sometime. That would be really cool. I work with him tommorow. I might ask if I get the nerve up, there's a good opprotunity to ask, and if he and I get some time to be semi-alone. I realized that I had a goofy smile on my face for a long time after he and I's conversation tonight. hee hee.

I'm so proud of myself! I have always hated running. I was always the slowest runner since 2nd grade. I haven't voluntarily ran in about 6 years. My mom use to tell me to not play outside because only kids play outside and that I should come inside to watch tv! No more of that though! I kept having really fun dreams about running and I was wondering if it really was that fun when there isn't pressure. I went jogging at night (which is what I use to do for fun and because I still find if emberissing to run) for the first time in years about a week ago. Then today I actually got brave enough to go jogging at 8pm tonight. I went down a path that I'd been looking at for a long time now. It was a pretty path. I found some other cool paths I might take soon too. I jogged/walked for a whole hour! I only did 20 minutes the first time. A couple people even saw me jogging, and I didn't care as much. One old guy even said, "I saw you running a minute ago". Lol, he saw me jogging then walking because I got self-conscious. It was kind of funny.
I'm planing on doing some jogging/walking/yoga/pilates this summer with hopefully some hiking and possibly biking in there too. I want to get into better shape for school time, so I can go on more hikes with the guys and do more of the Outdoor Program trips. That would rock!

Happy 5th of July! Yesterday I woke up at 8am, then 9am, then 10am, then woke up finally at 11am. I went to my parents house for lunch. They were BBQing turkey hambergers. I talked to them for a while. We were all being polite to each other mostly since it was a holiday, lol. Then my brother said that he was going to watch fireworks alone tonight, so my parents decided we should do that as a family. We went to see the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I was expecting a lot more of a plot and I was hoping that the plot would have made more sense. I did like to see Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt half naked and being bad-asses. :-)
My brother didn't talk most the night and didn't want to see the fireworks. I don't know what was the matter with him last night, but he's usually like that so maybe I shouldn't worry too much. I had another turkey burger for dinner, it was excellent.
I was mad that my roommate still has taken over the entire fridge and freezer. All I have is eggs, milk, juice, mushrooms, and salad dressing. I really need more space if I hope to eat anytime soon, lol. I became less mad when she told me that she yelled at the neighbors for letting their kids damage our garage and yard (I didn't want to have to be the one to do that). And she offered to let me eat some of her homemade curry chicken. Everytime I'm annoyed with her or she knows she did something that would piss me off, she offers me food, lol. It does work a lot of the time. I'm still mad that her beer is taking up so much room that I can't have veggies in there.

I keep thinking I should be adult-like and wake up early in the morning. I have that like-kid like sense of wanting to stay up late and fearing bedtime because there are so many other fun things to do. It's like I get all excited about doing stuff right when I start to feel sleepy. It's kind of annoying. I'm glad I don't have a job that I have to wake up early for.

I can't believe how cool Trevor (the 17 year old at work) is. He's more mature than a lot of people regardless of age. I heard him politely telling his friend that he didn't need to know something because it wasn't his business. That's sweet that he'll stay out of other people's business. He also is really gratious when people go out of their way for him. After I helped him out he thanked me, then helped me do my job- which none of the other delivery guys do usually. I told him that he was my favorite boy there and that he's awesome. He got all shy and said thank you. It was really cute. I hope I get to work with him as much as possible this summer. I also met a really cool guy who was getting food for his sister's wedding rehersal. He was really humble and gratious to everyone for getting his food ready so quickly. He and I talked for a while, while he waited for his ride.

I watched the band Dispatch's concert dvd that I rented from the library. It's awesome! I love dispatch. I highly recommed people watch their dvd.

Lets see, today I woke up around noon. Then I met my brother to get some Japanese food for lunch. It was really good. I got a chicken rice bowl. Then he and I went to the library to check out dvds and music. I was so impressed that he actually met me for lunch on time, it was amazing. That hasn't happend in a very long time. Then I played with my parent's dog for a while before going to work. I found out that the girl I like to talk to got re-scedualed to days that I don't work! Apparently we talk too much to each other and "she's distracting me". :-( I'm glad that I didn't get my work hours cut. It's true though. I can do her and my job by myself and she was making it harder for me to multi-task. I liked talking to her though. Oh well. I also got lecured for talking too loud. :-( I hate getting scolded. That one was true too though, lol. I'm glad that my boss pats me on the head (like a puppy, lol) when he's serious about something with me and doesn't curse and yell at me like he does at some of the boys.