So I continued the movie marathon:

The Sleeping Diary- Beautiful scenery. Jessica Alba was beautiful too. I don't want to give away the plot but I will say that it was a really good movie.

Captain Ron- I've seen it a few times before. Funny, entertaining movie.

Along Came Polly- cute ferret. Good chick flick. Deffinitely worth seeing. Good story.

50 First Dates- Very very cute movie.

I spent most the morning at a couple of libraries. I rented a bunch of movies and cds. I love the libraries here. There a few really great ones near my house. I ran some earands then picked up one of my friends. I found out that he's a psychology major now! We sat and talked about psychology for a few hours. It was fun. We drove downtown to find some new places to go. We got Japanese food then picked up my friend Keli to see a movie. We saw Stepford Wifes. It was a good movie. I bet the book was better though.

I got to go to cirque dus oleil today. It was really really cool. I had been wanting to go to it for a very long time now. The performance was awesome and so was the costumes and the stage. It's hard to describe how cool it was or even what it's like. I missed Pride fest today. I had to work late last night, so I slept in today. I could have woken up early anyway, but I had so much going on that it would have been hard to go there and back in time. I went swing dancing with Jefferson, Zeek (sp?), and Raul after the circus. It was fun. I love the cafe they go to for it. I got the nerve up to ask a couple guys to dance. I'm still not very good at dancing yet. I briefly danced with both of them and ended up mostly just talking to the second guy. I think that it would be fun to go to the classes. That way I'd learn how to dance better and I could dance with other beginers.

I knew that things were going to end with me and Sean, I just didn’t know when. I do really miss him though. I miss the good times we had, when we were having fun. I wish I could have seen the movie with him, Zach, and Kevin. Although I would be wanting the happy times when we were good friends and weren’t so awkward together. I miss even being his friend. I know that we just broke up a week ago but I missed him even before that (this summer). There were times in our relationship that I wondered how compatible we were, but then we would have a really fun time and things would feel a little better. I know that that’s probably not good enough though. I worry that I wont be able to find someone compatible to me. But I guess everyone worries about that. And besides, I’ve been surprised that I’ve met a few people so far that have been more compatible then I thought I’d fine (the people I’ve gone out with) although I wasn't even that compatible with any of them. And the first two went really bad for other reasons too. Faith was manipulative and I wasn’t attracted to her. I was very attracted to Joel but he became a jerk and it wasn’t a good relationship. Sean was by far the best person I’ve dated. He was the nicest, not manipulative, and most caring. But I know that something was missing. Sean could make me laugh, but we didn’t really have the same sense of humor. I know my naivety probably got on his nerves. We also saw things very differently. I think that there were other things that made us not as compatible as we could be (I won’t say exactly). They weren’t horrible things or anything- just things that I really wished were different but I knew probably wouldn’t change unless we tried to change each other- me included. I’ve talked to my aunt about some of the problem I’ve had with guys (there flaws and mine) and she said that most of that goes away with age and maturity. Lol. I hope so. I can see that being true. I still don’t really understand a lot of things about relationships in general. My relationship with Faith was out of us both being lonely and just wanting to date anyone. With Joel, I was just learning what it’s like to be in a relationship, show affection, to deeply like someone, and be liked back for the first time (even if it was only for a while). Faith was like my first date and kiss. Joel was my first relationship and all of that. I didn’t get with Sean out of desperation, true loneliness, or unrealistic expectations. At the begining I just really liked him as a friend and was attracted to him and thought that there could, maybe, possibly be more. So I’m learning now. I know from Joel that I shouldn’t put up with so much from people but also what it feels like to be in a relationship. With Sean, I learned that people can/should be nicer and more caring to each other and less manipulative. It was a lot healthier of a relationship then I had had before. I actually learned a whole lot from Sean. I know that I still have a whole to learn about everything in life, with myself, relationship, etc. I’ve only had three relationships and one was only for less than a month (Faith). I didn’t even start dating until I was in college. I think I’m just upset now because I miss Sean, I miss having a boyfriend, I miss my old friends, I miss the college and the dorms, I miss having close friends, I miss hugging and cuddling and kissing. I’ve been confuse about work, life, relationships, myself and everything I think and do, philosophy, society, and everything lately. That’s probably good though because I feel like something is going to have to change in my life and it usually changes for the good after periods of unrest. Ok, before I get too cheesy, I’ll stop typing. :-)
Side note to Kevin- I hope you come back to Denver sometime to see Fahrenheit 9/11 in the theatres, and hopefully I wont have to work that day.

So I worked a little over six hours today. Work at the theatre is so tiring though. It's standing and running the whole time. It's been better now that I don't care as much about the job, I know that cutomers aren't always right and they should be more patient in lines because I'm doing the best I can, I remind myself that I'm making money, and I've been trying to relax more when I'm not at work. I try to make myself not worry about work or get ready for work too early. I set an alarm an hour or so before work so I won't forget and I don't have to worry. I'm working 8 hours tommorrow. It'll be my longest shift yet, the day after my second longest shift. I also have a day this week that I'm working one job, change clothes, then go to my next job. I guess I shouldn't complain, at least I have a job and am making money. I wish I could have seen Ferenhiet 9/11 with Kevin and Zach tonight (but I had to go to work). I really want to see that movie and it would have been awesome to see Kevin and Zach.

chick flick and post break up movie marathon review-
1. Two Weeks Notice- I thought it was entertaining but the message was bad. This woman sacrificed her life and free time to take care of a man who didn't really appreciate her. He does what he promised to do in the first place and she thinks she loves him. She really just became accustom to taking care of him and giving so much with little in return that she's so happy when he gives only a little. (She did work for him and that's why she did so much, but she shouldn't have fallen in love with him because of the time they had at work).
2. Sweet Home Alabama- Cute characters. Very predictable though. It's a cute story but they could have showed more emotion. I couldn't really see if any of the characters really liked or loved each other or what they really wanted. Maybe they were trying to make it less predictable. Overall it was cute and I'm glad I saw it.
3. Real Women Have Curves- Also a very cute movie. It's about a very traditional Mexican family living in America. The mother is always mean and demanding of her daughters. The main girl is expected to work for the family and get married soon. But she decides to make her own decisions. Might be good to show the feminist club.
4. Frida- Awesome movie! The art is really cool and they incorporate it into the movie beautifully. It's funny at times and is sad and inspirational at times. It shows Frida as a very creative, strong, independent, tough women. It would also be good possibility to show the feminist club.
5. What's Cooking- Cute lesbian couple, cute guy, cute story. It follows four families around, showing them getting ready for and having Thanksgiving dinner. It shows all of their issues (funny, sad, amusing, etc.). Very cute movie for anyone to watch.
5. Chutney Popcorn- Also about a traditional (Indian) family who wants there daughter to get married. The main character is a lesbian woman who decides to have a baby for her sister despite doubts from her family and girlfriend. The girlfriend starts out ok with it, then has her doubts and has to decide what she feels and can deal with. Cute movie. It's surprisingly a movie with lesbians with no sex scenes. I was happy to see a lesbian movie were they know that their lesbians, they've known for years, and that's not the issue.
6. Bob Roberts- Not a chick-flick or a post break up movie but I watched it anyway. It has Tim Robbins who I love. He plays a folk singer turned politician. What's not to love! It should have been a good movie but I found it disappointing and boring.
7. The Truth About Jane- Cute, worth watching. Great for girls who just realized their gay. Good for people who have been out for a while. Althought it is another lesbian coming out and having issues story- but well done.

Good break up books-
1. After dating Joel I read "Why Men Love Bitches". It's not saying that men love bitches it just says that you shouldn't give up yourself in a relationship. So many girls sacrifice so much and take so much crap from men. This book is just saying that you need to have you own life, don't depend only on him, don't idolize him, and don't try so hard to the point that he gets scared/losses respect for you/ doesn't try as hard/ or you lose yourself. I read it in a day and a half it was so good. I've re-read it like 3 times. It's a good book to help you know that you deserve respect, you should be overly nice to people who don't deserve it, and shouldn't take crap from anyone- not just in relationships.
2. "If Buddha Dated"- very practical. It brings up a lot of points I had never thought of. I'm not done reading it yet, but I love it so far.

So this has been a bad week. I kept getting grounded and yelled at for breaking curfew. I've been getting stomach aches every time I'm near my parents or have to talk to them. I didn't get to go camping with Sean for Summer Solstice, like I was looking forward to since the beginning of summer. I got to see him on Sunday, but we ended up breaking up. I think we had something good, but it wasn't what it should or could be. It was like there was something missing, a deeper connection. I do miss him now. We had a lot of fun together and I really did like him. But it's probably for the best that we broke up. I think that the best thing to do is watch lots of chick-flicks and cheesy love movies, eat lots of chocolate ice cream, remember all the good times, and remember that there is going to be many other people out there that will be more compatible for both of us.

Today was a much better day. My old boss, from the restaurant, asked me if I would work for him again. I said sure. He wanted me to come in today and work two or three days a week. I was so happy to go back there. It's a really great job. The guys in the back were really nice. The delivery drivers are awesome, nice, storners. It's nice to be around laid back people again. The environment is so much better there. It's like working with a family of friends. I get to see customers all the time and it's not nearly as stressful as the theatre. I get free food, soda, and I get to sit and talk to people or read when it's not too busy. I get to practice Chinese and Spanish there too. I've already picked up a couple words today from just listening to conversations. The people I use to work with there a couple years ago, brought in there friends when they left. So even though they aren't there, the people now have the similar personalities. There are some really incredible people there. I've learned so much from people who work there and people who have worked there. It doesn't feel like I'm going to work as much when I go there. It feels like I'm going to another home to hang out with my friends. I already have perfected my techniques for every task I do there, so the work is easy and fun for me. Even on bad days, it's a pretty good job.

So today and yesterday really sucked. My stupid, horrible grandparents are here. They got here yesterday. I tried to avoid them all day. I talked to them a little bit to be polite though. They ignored everything I said (like actually pretending like I didn't say anything). They're very self righteous and hypocritical. I hate them because of everything they put me through as a kid. I really hate them. My grandpa is really creepy too. Like actually staring at my chest and being too touchy feely. It made me sick to my stomach. I felt like I was going to throw up most the day. When it was time for work, I freak out. I knew I had to leave the house, but I really didn't want to go to work. I started having a panic attack. I called work and told them that I was sick. Then I just left. I told my parents I was going to work. I called up all my friends that I can trust in an hour radius of my house, all three of them :-( . None of them were home though, so I just drove. I started to drive as far away as possible. I was crying for a long time. I was panicking and I didn't really know what to do. Eventually my brother called me and told me that I could stay at his place for the night. My parents found out that I wasn't at work, and were pissed. Work found out that I wasn't home and thought I was faking sick. I was scared that I'd get fired but I don't know if I want to go back there. I also really didn't want to talk to my parents. I eventually came home today when I knew that it was just my dad there. I locked myself in my room when everyone got home and I didn't come out until they went out to dinner. I told my parents about the panic attack. They didn't believe me at first, then they decided to only ground me for a day (to force me to calm down. I'm in the confused, screw it, nothing really matters mood. I think too much any way. I need to not worry so much and I need to not take crap from anyone. I'm realizing how many things in life really don't matter, and how some things matter more than I ever realized before. I'm not sure what I'm thinking or what I'm going to do to feel better, yet. I need to not listen to anything my parents say and not take them seriously. My mom is doing stupid spy stuff to find out if I leave the house and what I'm doing all the time. She obviously doesn't understand anything I'm going through and is making things even harder for me. I need to rebel more and set boundaries for them. They've become way too controling, this is just ridiculous. I know way more about what's good for me than they do.

Today was fun. My little cousins came over yesterday. They're really cute. We played chinese checkers, ping pong, botchy ball, jumprope, etc. They're a little annoy but so cute that it's hard to be mad. Carmen (age 6) woke me up at 8am this morning. I heard her crying outside my door. I went out to see if she was ok. She said, "I'm sorry I woke you up, I was just so worried that I wouldn't get to see you before I left. I couldn't eat breakfast or play or anything!" It was so sweet.
I worked for about five hours yesterday. It was really tiring. But I have a list of the best (sadly) pick up lines I've heard since working there(some toward me, some toward other people):
1. So, how old are you (in the "how you doing" voice)
2. You want to hear a joke? It's about ketchup. You know you do!(in a flirty voice)
3. Creepy guy trying to flirt in a grimlin voice and talking about everyone in third person.
Me trying to lie to my creepy boss:
Him: You want to go bowling tongiht?
Me: No, I'm going to sleep right after work.
Him: But it's 8pm.
Me: Yeah, I have to wake up early.
Him: But you're working the closing shift tommorow.
Me: Yeah.

Joke about Ketchup:
Three tomatoes are going for a walk. A mother, father, and child. The parents make it all the way across the park and notice that their child is far behind. The father yells to the child, "Hey, ketchup!"

This was my first day as an usher. It went pretty well. It was really slow though so they sent me home early. I worked a few hours for my parents (sweeping, vacuuming, yard work). My dad offered to give me a job researching stocks for him. I might do that too, don't know yet. I went to my brother's house after dinner. I had fun, but I hate that he's always drunk. At least he didn't want to go anywhere or want me to drink. He gets really weird when he's drunk. I regret going over to his place a lot of times because of it. I didn't necessarily regret going there day, but I felt really bad after a while. I know it's mostly my issues (of why him drinking makes me uncomfortable) but for right now, I don't really care. I think I'm going to leave whenever he first starts to drink or if I can tell that he's already drunk.

Today I worked on my mini house some more. I cut out some more walls. I played board games, did a puzzle, read, and watched a movie. The movie was Fearless. It's an incredibly depressing movie. It has flashbacks to a really horrible plane crash. It's somewhat graphic but mostly it's just incredibly disturbing. It makes you see how fragile people are and makes you question a lot of things about life. I didn’t really think that it was very positive though, it could have had a good message if it were so upsetting. It made me actually sick to my stomach. I was so upset afterward that I needed to get out of the house. I went to my friend’s house, but I didn’t feel much better. I wish I hadn’t seen the movie. I’ve been disappointed in people and society and confused by life anyway and this really didn’t help. I need to find more and different things to do and inspire me. The movie would have sucked and been upsetting even if I wasn’t in a weird mood. Actually, I think I was in a bad mood mostly because of the movie and a few things happening in my life. It meant a lot to me when my mom sincerely patted me on the back. That’s kind of sad when I’m so surprised by that (happens so rarely). I wish that people here appreciated me more, or cared more. I miss having friends around all the time. I miss living in the dorms, surrounded by people. I miss Sean, cuddling, talking. I miss my old friends. I miss being on my own. I don’t know, maybe I can find some way to make myself feel better. A few summers ago, I read a lot and got into philosophy. It helped a lot. I bet I just need to do something new (reading new books, writing, crafts, hobbies, places to go, different frame of mind) and make more friends here.

Yesterday, my brother and I went to the new Thai restaurant. It was really good. At lunch, we spontaneously decided to drive to my cousin’s art gallery (2 hours away). We drove from the restaurant to the gallery. We got to see my cousins and my aunt and uncle. It was a lot of fun. We stayed there a few hours, then drove back. I called Sean when I got home. I haven’t got to talk to him in a long time. I hate the phone, but I’m glad I called him.
I watched the movie Shadow Magic today. It’s a really cute movie. It’s pretty funny too. It’s about an English man who brings motion pictures to China for the first time. I definitely recommend it. I checked out a few more movies from the library today. One of them was Adaptation. It’s an intense movie at parts. It has some really beautiful metaphors (I really like the bee and flower one). I like the quote, “It’s what/who you love that matters, not what/who loves you.” I think it’s one of those movies that you can see over and over and you keep finding something new. There were a couple parts at the end that were a little weird (almost cheesy). If you see this movie, I recommend that you give it your whole attention. I was playing board games while I was watching and I nearly missed some really shocking parts.

I worked a lot today. My manager today was really unorganized. It made things a lot harder. The time went by fairly fast though. I like the back stands so much more than the main one. The main one is set up poorly and isn't vey efficient.
I saw Mean Girls today. I thought it was a really good movie. The main girl was really cool and overall it was a cute movie.

So Thursday was my last day of training. My first official day of work was Friday. I had to be there at 8:00am. I'm definitely not use to waking up that early. It was really busy because it was the first day of Harry Potter III. I was really tired by the end of the day.
Today I work for only a few hours. The manager I work with today was really nice. The other two people seemed pretty nice too. I watched Mona Lisa Smile. It was really good. I picked up my friend Keli. We finished watching Master and Commander. I liked the first part of the movie but I didn't really like the last half of it. Overall I'd say it was a good movie. I think other people would really like it (esp. guys who want to be pirates and sailors- you know who you are, lol).

I had my last day of training for work, yesterday. The managers who trained us were really nice.
Today was my first official day of work. I had to be there by 8:00am. I'm not use to getting up that early so I didn't get much sleep that night. I helped prepare everything for opening, which took about an hour. Then I worked at the register for 5 hours (register and running to get the customer's food). I was really tired by the end of my shift. It was opening day for Harry Potter, so it was really busy. I think I did well for my first day though.

Yesterday I had for more hours of training at the movie theater. It went well. The managers who trained us are really nice. I wanted to go to sleep early, but I was kind of nervous about work the next day. I ended up only getting a few hours of sleep.
Today I had to be at work at 8:00am. I was the first one there. I helped open for an hour and worked the register for 5 hours. I had to run around a lot. It was the first day for Harry Potter so it was really busy. I think I did pretty well, being my first day and all. I was really tired after my shift. I was sleepy and worn out. I was too tired to do much else today. I work tommorrow, but I think it will be better because I don't have to wake up as early and I wont be as nervous.
I think my parents are going through the next wave of bad moods. They go through waves of being more and more annoying, controling, manipulative, and mean. My mom kept saying really mean things about my clothes. I was already emotional today because I didn't get much sleep and I have a lot of stress. She also wouldn't listen to me when I talked about work and she acted like I was really annoying her. I don't try to talk to her that much, I don't know why I annoy her so much. She makes me feel so stupid, ugly, immoral, irresponisble, and disapointing. I feel a lot better about myself when I don't live with her and don't have to hear her comments all the time.

Today was fun. I spent a lot of time at the library. I got four cds- Japanese music, Korean music, and 2 rock. I got four movies and four books. One is about gender and feminism in America. One is about the lives of women in Japan. Another one is about women in the Middle East. I love sociology books and womens studies stuff. It'll be helpful for my feminist club next year too. The fourth book I got is a sociology book about consumerism in America. I'm really excited to read all of them.
I mostly ran errands today, watched tv, played with the dog, and read. I figured out what was wrong with one of my plants- I was over watering it. I think I'll be able to figure out what's wrong with the other two soon. They haven’t been the same since they got sunburned and dehydrated in the car ride home from college.
I've been thinking lately about how much I like geography and reading about other places. I like modern anthropology and sociology a lot. I really like cultural geography too. I thought about double majoring in sociology and geography, instead of sociology and psychology. But I love psychology too. I'm not sure what I'll do yet. Some schools offer really cool geography programs and even international studies that are closer to sociology than politics and business. That would be really cool.

Work went pretty good yesterday. It wasn't too scary. It was kind of boring though. We mostly watched training videos and went over the book. Roger Lodge- the host of Blind Date was the host of the training videos, it was kind of funny. My brother and I drove downtown, for the fun of it, after work. I was going to go alone but I got too nervous driving there at night (not exactly knowing the area- I usually take light rail) and I decided I wanted him to come with me.
Today I went downtown with my brother again to get lunch. We finally got to have Japanese food, like we talked about. After that I sat in the sun and read a while. Then I worked on my mini house. I cut some more walls out and painted the walls for the second room and the bathroom. It was kind of a slow day, but not really boring.