I knew that things were going to end with me and Sean, I just didn’t know when. I do really miss him though. I miss the good times we had, when we were having fun. I wish I could have seen the movie with him, Zach, and Kevin. Although I would be wanting the happy times when we were good friends and weren’t so awkward together. I miss even being his friend. I know that we just broke up a week ago but I missed him even before that (this summer). There were times in our relationship that I wondered how compatible we were, but then we would have a really fun time and things would feel a little better. I know that that’s probably not good enough though. I worry that I wont be able to find someone compatible to me. But I guess everyone worries about that. And besides, I’ve been surprised that I’ve met a few people so far that have been more compatible then I thought I’d fine (the people I’ve gone out with) although I wasn't even that compatible with any of them. And the first two went really bad for other reasons too. Faith was manipulative and I wasn’t attracted to her. I was very attracted to Joel but he became a jerk and it wasn’t a good relationship. Sean was by far the best person I’ve dated. He was the nicest, not manipulative, and most caring. But I know that something was missing. Sean could make me laugh, but we didn’t really have the same sense of humor. I know my naivety probably got on his nerves. We also saw things very differently. I think that there were other things that made us not as compatible as we could be (I won’t say exactly). They weren’t horrible things or anything- just things that I really wished were different but I knew probably wouldn’t change unless we tried to change each other- me included. I’ve talked to my aunt about some of the problem I’ve had with guys (there flaws and mine) and she said that most of that goes away with age and maturity. Lol. I hope so. I can see that being true. I still don’t really understand a lot of things about relationships in general. My relationship with Faith was out of us both being lonely and just wanting to date anyone. With Joel, I was just learning what it’s like to be in a relationship, show affection, to deeply like someone, and be liked back for the first time (even if it was only for a while). Faith was like my first date and kiss. Joel was my first relationship and all of that. I didn’t get with Sean out of desperation, true loneliness, or unrealistic expectations. At the begining I just really liked him as a friend and was attracted to him and thought that there could, maybe, possibly be more. So I’m learning now. I know from Joel that I shouldn’t put up with so much from people but also what it feels like to be in a relationship. With Sean, I learned that people can/should be nicer and more caring to each other and less manipulative. It was a lot healthier of a relationship then I had had before. I actually learned a whole lot from Sean. I know that I still have a whole to learn about everything in life, with myself, relationship, etc. I’ve only had three relationships and one was only for less than a month (Faith). I didn’t even start dating until I was in college. I think I’m just upset now because I miss Sean, I miss having a boyfriend, I miss my old friends, I miss the college and the dorms, I miss having close friends, I miss hugging and cuddling and kissing. I’ve been confuse about work, life, relationships, myself and everything I think and do, philosophy, society, and everything lately. That’s probably good though because I feel like something is going to have to change in my life and it usually changes for the good after periods of unrest. Ok, before I get too cheesy, I’ll stop typing. :-)
Side note to Kevin- I hope you come back to Denver sometime to see Fahrenheit 9/11 in the theatres, and hopefully I wont have to work that day.