Today I worked on my mini house some more. I cut out some more walls. I played board games, did a puzzle, read, and watched a movie. The movie was Fearless. It's an incredibly depressing movie. It has flashbacks to a really horrible plane crash. It's somewhat graphic but mostly it's just incredibly disturbing. It makes you see how fragile people are and makes you question a lot of things about life. I didn’t really think that it was very positive though, it could have had a good message if it were so upsetting. It made me actually sick to my stomach. I was so upset afterward that I needed to get out of the house. I went to my friend’s house, but I didn’t feel much better. I wish I hadn’t seen the movie. I’ve been disappointed in people and society and confused by life anyway and this really didn’t help. I need to find more and different things to do and inspire me. The movie would have sucked and been upsetting even if I wasn’t in a weird mood. Actually, I think I was in a bad mood mostly because of the movie and a few things happening in my life. It meant a lot to me when my mom sincerely patted me on the back. That’s kind of sad when I’m so surprised by that (happens so rarely). I wish that people here appreciated me more, or cared more. I miss having friends around all the time. I miss living in the dorms, surrounded by people. I miss Sean, cuddling, talking. I miss my old friends. I miss being on my own. I don’t know, maybe I can find some way to make myself feel better. A few summers ago, I read a lot and got into philosophy. It helped a lot. I bet I just need to do something new (reading new books, writing, crafts, hobbies, places to go, different frame of mind) and make more friends here.