So, what to say about this weekend, hmm. Well I realized that paries are even more fun when you watch everyone from a sociological perspective. I learned that I don't like to kiss or make out with acquaintances. It seems so strange. I also highly doubt that I would have ever kissed this guy if we weren't both drunk. I don't even know how I feel about cuddling with acquaintances. It really depends on the person I think. I've cuddled with friends and it wasn't weird before, but it's been weird cuddling with some of my friends now that we have less of an emotional connection. I think my views on things maybe changing.
I still get quiet drunk after 3 beers. (I had 2 1/2 beers on Friday). I realized that I can still have a lot of fun not drunk and I may consider only drinking for certain occassions. I realized how much inhibitions go away when people drink which is a little scary. It's fun and a good excuse every once in a while but I guess you need to have very good internalized boundaries that don't go away when you drink, to drink a lot.
On saturady I did homework and went to a comedian show. I also hung out and talked with some of my friends after breakfast and dinner. Today I've been getting all caught up on my homework, which is a really good thing.

My classes still seem good. The last couple days have been pretty typical. It's so strang to see Sean now that we aren't going out. Things were really akward when we said hi a couple of days ago. It was a little less akward today at dinner but still wierd. I hope it gets less wierd between us.
My nieghbors listen to my favorite band! That's so cool. I don't think I know anyone else who listens to them. I don't mind them blaring their music as much as my old neighbors who blared eminim.

Today was the first day of sociology of marriage and family. The teacher seems really smart and interesting. My math teacher (Klausmeir) is really funny and seems pretty nice. My nutrition class seems good too. The teacher is nice, funny, and tells a lot of stories. I ate dinner with Bob, Joel, Britanny, and Jefferson. Then I hung out with Bob and Joel for a while. I came back home and felt too sick to do anything. My sinuses hurt, my throat too. I feel really ache and tired. I hope that I get better soon. I've nearly lost my voice a few times. So, Kevin, I promise I'll call you as soon as I have my voice back a little more and when lights and sounds aren't so painful.

So I got here on Friday. I unpacked a little. I ran into Bob and Joel at dinner. We decided to all go out and drink and go to the comedian magicians performing at the school. Joel got pulled up on stage for a trick and it was so incredibly funny! On saturday I ate breakfast with Joel and Bob. I went to my grandma's house and my mom took me grocery shopping. She bought me tons of stuff, it was great. I went drinking with Bob, Joel, Maria, and Zepher (a new girl). We watched Old School and went for a walk. It was a lot of fun. Sunday I went to the outdoor movie with Jefferson and Sean. (50 First Dates was the movie). It was akward seeing Sean again. Hopefully it will be less weird soon and we can be friends again.
I've kind of met my nieghbors. They're really superficial and dramatic but I don't really know them yet. They seem to be fun people and they have some really cool friends. They have one really cool friend named Nick. He seems nice and we kind of flirt a little. I think he flirts with most girls though. I might try to hang out with them more. That would be cool to be friends with my balcony mates.
I had my American Slavery class and human biology class today. They seem like pretty good classes. Bio is kind of hard though and I probably should have paid more attention in my high school bio class. American Slavery is an upper division class, which I didn't realize before. But it doesn't seem that much more difficult.
I really miss all you guys (Vince, Kevin, Zach, and everyone else who didn't come back this year). I miss going to Village Inn and Walmart. I miss having tea or ice cream with Vince. I miss going to the park with you guys and all the movies in the tv lounge. I have pictures from last year on my bulletin board over my desk. I hope you guys are all happy and having a good time where you are.

I've been packing up my stuff for college. It's weird thinking about going back. I'm excited but it's going to be wierd seeing everyone (especially the ex's) and just being back in general. I hope this will be a good year.
It was kind of sad leaving work at the restaurant on the last day. I made tons of money waitressing onto of what I get hourly. I got to open the restaurant and close too.
I saw my friend Keli and Lisa a couple days ago. I haven't seen Lisa since last December I think. It seems like she's been really busy.
I got a couple new posters for my room. Once I unroll them tommorrow I can tell you what the artists names are. One is a cool artsy photograph of a guy about to walk up an elevator and the place is filled with water. (It's hard to explain). The other one is of a girl who is bent over some feiries or tini people.

Wow, that last post had a bigger font than I thought it would. Today, I went to Boulder. I toured CU. Nice campus. It's hard to really tell what it's like to go to any school until you're actually a student there. I don't know if I could get into that school, but it will inspire me to get better grades next year anyway. I walked around Pearl Street and that area. It's a lot different there on a Saturday afternoon when school's out. I usually go durring the school year, late evening to night. I went to coffee houses and bookstores mostly when I went before and we'd meet some really cool people and see really cool musicians (a lot more college kids there too durring the year). Today I just had time to go to a couple stores, litterally. It would have been more fun if I went with someone too. It was still fun alone though. I wish Vince could have been there, that would have been a lot of fun.

Grand Canyon (by Ani Difranco)
...i mean, no song has gone unsung here
and this joint is strung crazy tight
and people bin raising up their voices
since it just ain't bin right
with all the righteous rage
and all the bitter spite
that will accompany us out
of this long night
that will grab us by the hand
when we are ready to take flight
seatback and traytable
in the upright and locked position
shocked to tears by each new vision
of all that my ancestors have done
like, say, the women who gave their lives
so that i could have one
people, we are standing at ground zero
of the feminist revolution
yeah, it was an inside job
stoic and slyone we're supposed to forget and downplay and deny
but i think the time is nothing
if not nigh
to let the truth out
coolest f-word ever deserves a fucking shout!
i mean why can't all decent men and women
call themselves feminists?
out of respect for those who fought for this i mean, look around we have this

Yaa for lightning, thunder, and hard rain! I love it. I want to go outside and watch it. Jefferson and I did that once, but we stayed in the car, lol. Beautiful clouds this summer.
Work was fun, the boss wasn't there today. Eric made us a bunch of extra egg roles and crab cheese wontons for us to eat. I got to work with Mike and Mike. I like them. One of the chefs were really nice today. I usually thinking and stare and am pretty serious when I'm in the kitchen waiting for the food to be cooked. The cool chef asked me if I was ok. He said that I think too much and that he was worried that I was upset. I told him that I was just bored. It meant a lot to me that he asked. It was really nice.
I found out that Mike is kind of a player and a partier. He's still really cool but I'm glad that I didn't let myself have a crush on him. We use to flirt a little but not much. I decided a while ago that I didn't even want to think about dating or anything for a while. It's been nice. I don't have to try to impress anyone. There's no pressure or disapointment. Sean's a cool guy and I'm glad that I went out with him, but I realized how much I give up hobbies, interests, time, and parts of my personality and things I want when I'm in a relationship. I've read a few books on how so many women do that. It's sad. It's not worth having a relationship if you have to give up too much and work so hard. My relationships have had other problems but I think they would have been healthier and better for me if kept my own life. I wouldn't think that a guy would want a girl to drop everything for him or be a pushover. I love it when guys are confident, smart, activists, care about causes, have interests, are really passionate about their hobbies and interests. What do guys want in a relationship? Would guys care if their gf can't hang out with them for a couple days because she's too busy with clubs and homework, but would love to hang out with him afterward? What if she doesn't want to go to dinner right then because she's busy painting? What if she expected you to put just as much effort into the relationship as she did? What if you didn't understand the things that she really cares about? I'd like to know those things but I've realized that being alone has it's bennefits and that a new relationship isn't worth it if I can't keep my life or if the guy isn't the kind of guy I really want to date. I want a guy who's ego isn't hurt if I don't drop everything for him or if I don't don't humor him or try overly hard. I don't know if the guys I dated would have been hurt if I kept more independence or whatever, I just always assumed that they would and treated them that way.

I hung out with everybody here today. I had pizza with my brother and my cousin for dinner (everyone else went out). I took my cousin to Hot Topic. I wanted to look at the piercing jewelry. I talked to a guy there with a lip piercing. He told me that my lip is swollan but normal (I've been worried that the bar was too small and my lip was too thick). He was cool, I talked to him for a while.
My aunt is really cool. She does tons of professional crafts (sewing, weaving, knitting, etc). I sat at the kitchen table and was braiding a necklace. She was sitting outside knitting. She came inside and we thought it was funny that we both liked to knite, sew, paint, ect. while talking to people (it's kind of old fashion). She also travels all the time. She's like 79 years old and she just went to Egypt a couple years ago with some friends. She's so independent and cool. I wanted to make her think that I was cool too, but I don't think she thinks I'm as cool as I hoped. I had a fun day overall. One of the girls I met through Jefferson called me to invite me to a party. She decided not to go to the party but she said that she still wanted to hang out some time. That's cool. I've been wanting new friends. She seems nice.
10 more days till I get to go back to the dorms, Yaa.

I went to the library today. I saw a guy my age dancing in his car at the stoplight. I laughed and smiled at him. He started dancing more and laughed too. I passed him again and he was still jamming. It was cool. Then I watched three little boys (about 3 years old) trying to cross the street with their mom. They were trying to push their little tricycles without falling off the curb. The mom was helping them. It was like watching a mom duck helping her babies across the street. It was really cute. I went to my favorite bookstore too. I had to leave early to go to work though. My cousin and really cool aunt are spending a few nights with us. That's been cool.
I took the belief-o-matic quiz on Beliefnet.com. It's probably not as acurate as it could be, they would have needed to ask more questions. Here are my results:

Neo-Pagan (98%)
Reform Judaism (96%)
Unitarian Universalism (96%)
Sikhism (90%)
Liberal Quakers (89%)
Mahayana Buddhism (87%)
Hinduism (87%)
New Age (84%)
New Thought (76%)
Bahá'í Faith (73%)
Theravada Buddhism (71%)
Scientology (69%)
Orthodox Judaism (68%)
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (68%)
Islam (59%)
Taoism (57%)
Orthodox Quaker (52%)
Secular Humanism (51%)
Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (45%)
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (37%)
Jehovah's Witness (35%)
Seventh Day Adventist (26%)
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (25%)
Nontheist (23%)
Eastern Orthodox (21%)
Roman Catholic (21%)

Yesterday my brother and I hung out. We went cd shopping. It was fun. Then I got my lip pierced. Heee hee. I got the small metal ball jewelry. (it was either that or a spike). I like it. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. I also went to get the new brownie fudge blizzard at Dairy Queen, with Jefferson. That is a very good blizzard! Jefferson and I picked up Raul from work and Jefferson called up two other girls he knew (Laura and Laura, but not the Laura you know Vince). We all went to a coffee shop downtown and talked a long time. It was a lot of fun. The girls were really cool. I've been wanting to hang out with more cool people, especially girl (I don't have very many girl friends). I got home around 4am, but my parents were asleep so I didn't get into trouble! It was awesome.

I went to the Ani Difranco concert at Red Rocks. It was really cool. I look Red Rocks. It was amazing to see the storm clouds turn into the backdrop of a pink sunset. And to watch the city lights turn on and the stars come out. The rocks are beautiful too. It's a really cool place. Ani is always awesome. I wish her music was like it use to be, but I still love her music. He crowd is becoming kind of lame. Three years ago, her crowd was mostly college, hippy, feminists. Now it's more variety, more older people, more mainstream crowd. People talked through the whole show, people didn't dance at all, and a ton of people sat through it. I danced to it along with a few other people, until some old lady asked me to sit down so they could have a better view sitting- and then they talked and made stupid comments durring the show! A lot of the people were judgemental of the "non mainstream people". But f*ck you! You're at a f*ucking Ani Difranco concert! Stand up, dance, have fun, stop talking, be respectful of other people, and enjoy the music. That's what your there for. If you don't like her music or her message (even the old message) or her crowd, then don't come! I wish that she would go back to doing more radical and upbeat songs, I wish her crowd was different. But I still love her and her music.
I brought my friend Keli to the concert. When I bought tickets for this, I just bought two, not thinking about who I was going to bring. She came to the last show with me and sat politely, was kind of freak out, but was ok as long as I acted the same way. She said she had fun last time, but I know she didn't really. I knew she'd come to this just to get out of the house, to have something to do. I felt bad that she wouldn't have fun. I decided to have fun anyway. I figure that if she says she wants to go, then I'd take her for her word. I danced a little, clapped, stood, was more relaxed. She complained the whole time, made little comments about everythings, tried fake enthusiasm only occasionally (like saying that the clouds look neat), she sat, sat completely still, seemed freak out by hippies and lesbians, embarrised by me, didn't talk, didn't clap, and wanted to leave as soon as possible. I didn't feel like talking to her either and the only way I had fun was to pretend that she wasn't there. I knew that I would freak her out even when I'm sensoring myself, so I sensored myself less- so I could at least have fun. I'm tired of sensoring myself and still freaking people out. I'm tired of people being confused everytime I don't act like a total ditz, or totally shy, or when I try to say the truth and be real- without trying to be overly polite. Keli actually told me that she had fun even though it was obvious that she didn't have any fun and after she paused a long time after I asked her if she regreted coming. I think that I'm going to have to hang out with her only when I'm in the mood to watch movies and talk about the weather. I know that I'm kind of a hypocrit in saying all of that. I know that Jefferson thinks that I'm extremely shy and that I should be more brave and go swing dancing more. But at least I'm actually a little more honest about what I'm thinking and feeling and am more willing to try more new things and am more easy going about it. I don't want people to push me out of my comfort bubble, so I won't push her out of hers. If she wants to do things other than watching movies, then I'll let her think of what she wants us to do.

I woke up a little earlier this morning. I had made an appointment to tour UCCS. I went there by myself. My parents were worried about me going alone and especially driving there alone. It was a thousand times better going alone though. They really didn't need to freak out that much about it. It was an easy drive and I found where I was suppost to go with no problem. It's not like they know where they are going either. I'm glad that I finally got around to visiting the other schools.

Happy birthday to Sean. (I'm pretty sure this is his birthday).
I've been feeling somewhat lazy and uninspired lately. So I decided to just get up and do stuff. I ran errands and did a bunch of things around the house this morning. I voted in the local elections. I gathered up the email address of all the feminist clubs at schools in this state, so I can email them later. I scheduled appointments for me to do campus tours of other school. I hung out with my friend Keli (we went to see The Village, very good movie, very interesting). I felt a lot more productive after all of that. I planned out more for myself to do before I go back to school. I feel a lot better now that I'm actually doing stuff, and things that I want to do for myself and my interests- not what other people think I should do. I'm starting to regain my own schedule, hobbies, interests, etc. A few things have been occuring to me, like new ideas and ways of looking at things. Like today- I was trying to explain to my friend why feminism isn't scary, and it made me even more excited to work for that cause. I realized how much it means to me and how important it is. Mike, Evan, OAR, authors of books I've read, and so many other people and things have totally started to inspired me. I'm really excited to actually start taking more steps to get closer to what I want and things I've only been thinking about. I'm not sure what I exactly want yet, but I think I'm starting to figure some things out.

Yesterday I had some of Jefferson's home-made chicken fried rice. It was pretty good. It was cool eating food that one of my friends made.
Today I was in a bad mood at work and mostly stared at the floor when people were around. Mike still came up and talked to me and tried to make me laugh. That's really cool. He's a really cool guy. He's really nice, outgoing, funny, laid back. There are a few people like that at work. It was really nice to see him today, it made me wonder why I was in a bad mood and made me realize that I didn't have to be. I hope that I get to work with him more.

Yesterday we had a small family reunion (my dad's side). I love it when that side of the family gets together. There were 17 of us. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and my cousin's baby. My cousin seems like a good dad. I totally have the stereotype that most guys don't know how or don't care about being good dads. My other two guy cousins were good with the kids too. The baby really loved his two uncles too. He called out for them as much as he called out for his parents. My cousins are really good people. My uncle is also a really good dad. He's usually the one watching the kids and he does more than half of the work with the kids. He sincerily is there for them. It's really nice to see. My little cousins are so cute too. Davis (5 years old) always knows what to say to people. He senses when people are upset, need a hug, self-conscious about something, or bored, and he know exactly what to say to make you feel better. He doesn't talk very much and he's usually sitting by himself just watching people. He never demands attention and when he wanted to take a nap, he curled up on Grandma's lap and fell asleep. He rarely gets in trouble, all he wanted to do was walk up and down the stairs (he doesn't have stairs at his house, and he makes up games for it), look out the window at everyone, and watch a movie. His favorite toy is an octopus made out of yarn and a ping pong ball. He's a really sweet kid. I'm glad that everyone came yesterday. It was a really great day.