Tonight was a very good night. The whole day was pretty good actually. I woke up earlier than usual and I cleaned the house (which needed to be done anyway) and got ready for my house-warming party. I got everything set up right on time. Mike (one of Jefferson's friends who gave me his email address- and who I invited to my party before the guys did) got there first. He had rsvp'ed right away, got directions easily, checked the directions before the party so he could prepare, got there on time, and brought board games! I was so impressed by that! Very few people have shown up for anything I do, let alone of time! I was so happy about that. I was a bit worried about everyone else showing up. A few people didn't get back to me, some said they could come but never got directions. I freaked out before Mike came and called my brother to come over and eat some pizza. I talked to Mike for a while before my brother came. My brother was acting really weird and I'm kind of worried about him, as usual. When Dudley came, my brother left. Jefferson came soon after. Cameo, Jason, and Jeremy came around 9pm. We all ate pizza and stood around talking. It was really nice. I was hoping for a fun, tame, non-alcohol party- basically just having friends over and everyone having fun and hanging out. I think it went well. Everyone got along well. I know I had fun. Dudley and I walked Mike out to his car. Jefferson's car was in the way, but he left his door unlocked, so we put it in neutral and pushed it across the street, lol. It was so funny! Everyone left a little before 1am. I said good bye to everyone (except for Jefferson who was in a hurry to get his car back, lol.). Once everyone left I talked to Mike a while longer. He's a really sweet boy. I had a lot of fun talking to him today. He asked me questions and said things that showed he really pays attention and cares about other people. I was impressed how he was able to show up at the party by himself and hang out with mostly new people and be a sport about it all. He is very cute too, lol. I started thinking about how right now, all I really want is a sweet guy who's relatively reliable (won't forget about me), who isn't just out for sex, who might want to hang out (watch movies, cuddle, walks, whatever). Mike started talking about how much he loves to cuddle, lol. I thought it was very cute. It really made me want to cuddle with him, lol. I realized that I wasn't totally running away from him. I usually get way more freaked out by anyone I have a crush on or who has a crush on me. I usually get very distant, don't want to give any signs of affection, I won't let them know I want to hang out, and I usually try to get away from them as soon as possible. I didn't really do that with Mike. I did get nervous and didn't give him a hug (which I tihnk he was wanting) :-) But hugging is a big thing and it's still a big thing that I didn't feel like running away. I even suggested that he should call me if he ever wants to hang out :-) He said, "quite possibly, possibly". I think that's a good thing, I don't know if he'll calls me, but I actually do hope he calls me. I felt all gitty when I went back in the house. I haven't felt that way about a guy in a really long time. I would still say it's only a little crush though. I've been sad lately (as in the last year) because I was wondering what it would take for me to not freak out about liking someone or being liked and wondering when I'd get to feel gitty because of someone again. I don't know if it's happend yet. You never know if I might get scared of him eventually. I think I've just been getting scared of guys that weren't quite right for me though. Last year Garret, Phoenix, Mathew, Nick, Andrew, Niki, Lier Mike, and a few other guys- I would feel like running away from, but I don't think it would have worked out between us anyway and a few of them were good people to run away from. There were only two people last year that I truely didn't run away from and actaully gave them a chance. Looking back on it- they were relatively decent guys. I think that shows that if there is a truely nice guy, without a lot of obvious flaws, who has qualities I really want in a guy- then I will give them a chance and be able to open up and let them know that I like them. I think I really do want to date and eventually have a relationship, I just don't want to deal with certain bad qualities in people any more. I don't want to put my heart out there to someone who I don't see a deeper level to. I want to know that they're good people with good intintions who I can see myself admiring and wanting to hang out with. I've known guys who had all those qualities, but we didn't have enough in common, and/or the timing wasn't right. If Jason- or anyone Jason know's who's reading this- I do realized that I totally freaked out and ran away from him freshman year- and it's absolutely not because I think he's a bad guy. I think he's a really great guy with good qualities, I just don't know how much we would have had in common and I freaked out because I didn't see long-term potential between us as anything more than friends. He'd probably think I was just some crazy liberal, coffee shop, whatever chick, after a while anyway, lol. So, I hope there's no hard feelings there. I know I was a total B*tch for treating him the way I did.
So- in closing, lol. It was a good night, glad that it all worked out, had fun, got to see everyone :-), and realized that I might not totally freak out around every guy I have even the slightest crush on, and I got that gitty/happy/crush feeling again.