The week was full of work and what not. Then I went to the clubs for the first time of Thursday. I went with Zefer and some kids from Pride. It was fun but this one girl kept hitting on me. I really don't like her though. I was trying to be polite about it. She called me to apologize for hitting on me on Thursday. That's so sad! I don't mean for her to feel bad for hitting on me. I told her that I was flattered. She and I didn't talk about it after the clubs, she just knew that I was freak out because I was avoiding her a bit after.
I decided that I'm going to travel this summer. I'm going to live out of my car and travel the US. I'm going to sell stuff at craft fairs, Pride fest stuff, and other summer festivals. I think that'll be awesome. I know some people who have done that before and I've gotten some tips from them on how to do it.
I went to the usual party on Friday and last night. It was so crazy. On Friday, Farva got stupid drunk. He started throwing knives at the kitchen table. Jacob, Joel, and Farva nearly had to slash his tires because he was going to go for a drive. He also was being loud and hitting things and throwing bottles. On Saturday, I had fun organizing a psychological support group amongst the girls, lol. I found out about all their issues and medications they are on. This is the second or third time I've done that. My teacher made a joke that you know you are a sociology dork when you take sociology notes after parties. I wonder if this makes me a psychology dork, lol. Joel made out with Tara, then when she went for a walk, Joel decided to sleep Farva's girl in Farva's house! Joel wanted to know why everyone was so mad at him. I told him he was an F***ing a**hole and of coure they should be mad at him. He told me that I'm just anti-Joel and that my opinion didn't count. I told him that I was anti-Joel for good reasons. Farva was obviously hurt and sad. Tara was obviosly upset too. I was pissed off too, because he's doing all the same stupid Sh*t he's done to me and other people in the past except now he is tons worse. He's such a dick. Without being bitter from the past, this is why I don't like him now:
1. he makes fun of everyone constantly for everything
2. he's distant, off and on with his friendship/affection with everyone.
3. he doesn't listen to me when I'm scared because of stupid stuff he does.
4. he doesn't listen to me when I have anything to say.
5. he blatently uses people and is incredibly selfish.
6. he thinks he smarter than everyone else, and doesn't stupid things that now one else would do.
7. he's extremely manipulative.
8. He has proven himself to be such a jerk that no matter how good of a guy he is deep down, means nothing right now.

I'm feeling intirely bitter and pissed, especially at men. I've felt like that for many many months now. I thought I was maybe getting over that a little bit, but no, screw that. I'm so pissed at people. I love the people I've met as friends and I love my old friends of course. I'm so scared of dating and relationships. I don't want to do that anymore. I was happiest when I had politics and religion and didn't give a crap about anything else. There are two guys that I might like right now. One guy- I don't want to like because I don't understand him and I want to work out my issues before I date or even like him. The other guy is a nice guy I think, but I'm scare that I'll find out that the nicest guy I know is really a horrible jerk too. I need to figure stuff out. I want to be more pissed at Joel. I know that he's a huge jerk and that I should be pissed. But I also have such little faith in people that I doubt whether most people can be decent human beings. I'm not excluding myself when I say that everyone sucks, I'd be a hypocrit to say otherwise. I think my friends are cool (most of them) and I can see the good in people too, but I know now that I need to be more gaurded and untrusting of people. I need to not take sh*t from people. I'm realizing that I need to see people for who they are- not who they use to be or who they could be. That I should not date right now. I need to find good in people as friends right now, anything more would be too much. ok, I'm rambling. I'll write more once I've figured out what I mean to say.

This week has been incredibly busy. I've been going to class, working in the Cultural Diversity Office, doing work for my clubs, etc. I spend so much more time outside the dorms now than I use to. It's been cool doing a lot of stuff. I love being in charge of the clubs and stuff. It's cool that people have come to me as a leader. I've been really productive lately. I love that kind of work. Social work rocks! I have a couple of groups of friends now too, not just the group I've been hanging out with at the begining of this year. It's been cool meeting the kids in Pride and at the Unitarian Church and places where people and I have at least a few more things in common. Not that Farva, Jacob, Justin, and I don't have things in common, but yeah.
The Sims 2 came out this week! I love it! I could spend hours playing it if I could. If you like the first Sims, then you will be obssessed with the Sims 2 too.
On Friday, Jefferson and I hung out and played Sims. Saturday I went to the desert with Joel, Bob, Tara, Zefer, Jacob, Justin, Farva, etc. It was the first time I've ever partied in the desert. It was fun.

A weird thing happen today. I actually felt scared that I had a crush on a really nice guy. I know that sounds stupid, but I know a lot of girls that avoid the super nice guys. Don't get me wrong- nice boys are great. The goal though is to find a really exciting, cool, fun, nice guy. It's not fun dating someone who's a jerk, but it's broing dating the super nice guy. It isn't even really about niceness I think. It's more that the really nice guys tend to be more calm and reserved. The jerks are the one's who are more outgoing and wild. I really hope that maybe I can find a really nice fun guy. I worry that this boy I like now would be judgmental about me wanting to have fun and be a little wild. I don't know if he's the kind of boy that can be corrupted either. I don't know if I'm outgoing enough to be able to think of all the fun stuff to do or the confidence to break us both out of our shells. I wouldn't want try to change him either. Maybe I should just have fun right now and not care about dating. That's what I did last summer- without the fun though. I want to be fun and outgoing on my own first. I don't want to have to rely on a boy to show me how to have fun. I haven't been very out going this year. It's not as much fun being reserved and self conscious. There's a lot I'd like to do, and I think that I could make more happen if I just get out of the self-conscious, shy rut I'm in. At least i think I'm getting out of the everyone sucks phase.

I found out that the party I left early from, got broken up by the police. They had tons of beer and some pot and no one there was 21. The cops gave them a warning some how. It's amazing they were that lucky. They all could have been screwed so badly that night. I'm so incredibly glad that I left early.

I went to the Untitarian campus group today. It was cool. There are some nice people there. There was only 8 of us there, but still cool. I hung out with Jefferson and Sean for a while. Then I caught up with Tara and Zepher who I'd been trying to find all night. The girls and I went to Farva's house. Joel, Bob, Jacob, Farva, and the other boys played drinking games. Tara didn't want to drink and I had one beer. Jacob was being a jerk as usual. It wasn't that much fun. Creepy guys kept hitting on Tara. All the boys were distracted by the slutty blonde girls or distracted by drinking games. So Tara and I decided to leave early. It's kind of sad- Jacob said, "Tara's hot, that girl is hot, that girl is hot and Lisa and Zepher are there." He hit on me for one day. I humored him but ignored him after that. That was a mean comment still. The sader thing is that all the other boys acted like that toward me too. Like they would only hit on me if I was the only girl there. True- most of them are stupid boys that I wouldn't like anyway. But it's sad that guys mostly don't pay attention to me. Maybe that's a compliment considering they hit on the sluttiest girls first. Maybe they just think I'm not slutty- that's good.

I didn't have time for lunch today. I grabbed a bagel and ate it in class. I had 4 hours straight of classes. Then I went to the Pride meeting. I guess Faith quit the club and abondend everything. I got to be partly in charge of the meeting though, which was awesome. (I'm the vice president right now). I like the new members. We have 3 cool butch feminist chicks. One femme chick. 4 giggly boys. And 2 hippy boys. I know- I shouldn't stereotype, I'm just trying to paint a picture. On the way out of the meeting, the Cultural Diversity Board told me that they forgot to tell me that I should be in their meeting. So I dropped everything and went to their meeting. I turns out that I get paid to work for them. But it is a lot of work. I'm intimidated by all the serious work and serious people. I'm the dork that's always asking questions right now. I'm probably being a baby for complaining about the office hours I have to keep and the 2 hour or so long meetings (some are extremely long without warning that they'll be that long). It's a good experience I think. They teach everyone a lot about leadership and community service stuff. I didn't have time to go to fun yoga class or sociology club. I also missed eating dinner with my friends. But I shouldn't change my schedule for people like I always do. (although it's more fun to not do much and hang out with cool people). I think this will be good though. I'm in at least 3 clubs right now. Working for them about 10 or so hours a week and school 16 hours a week plus homework. I guess that's not bad. I just need to priorities my free time. Yeah, ok, I think I feel better about it now. I regreted not doing more last year. I felt really lazy. I also regretted giving up so much of my time because of boys. I wouldn't and didn't expect them to do that for me, so I should expect myself to do that either.

Tuesday was fun, mostly. We went to Farva's place for a while and played card games. Then we drove around and did stuff. lol, I would say more but I admit nothing! Then we went to Village Inn. Their pancakes are the very best in the early morning hours. They're kind of disapointing durring the day when you're fully awake. It was a fun night to look back on since nothing bad happend. I was pissed and yelled at Joel for making fun of me for being concerned for people's safety. I was really pissed that they don't take anything I say seriously, especially when I know better than they do about something. I say if you break one law, stick to that one and don't get in trouble with the police for something stupid like speeding and breaking traffic laws. I say that it's fine to do stupid things as long as you don't do them in stupid ways!
I decided last night to not go out. I decided to stay home and do laundry and homework and go to bed early.

Yaa for drunken blog writing! So I just got back from Joel and Farva's Sabath party. We all got very drunk. We played card games, drinking games, and hung out. We ended up watching The Passion of the Christ again. We saw Jason and his girlfriend. They're really cute together. She's really nice too. Zepher and Farva cuddled. Joel, Tara, and I cuddled on one couch too. Joel kept getting up to smoke though. So Tara and I stared cuddling without him. Tara said that she would make out with me if the boys gave us money. The boys were too cheap though! We didn't get money and we didn't get to make out. Damn boys. Tara and I kept trying to get Joel to cuddle with us, but he kept having to get up to smoke and puke. I think that if a guy has a crush on a girl who is cuddling with his ex-girlfriend and is wanting his to cuddle with them- and he's too drunk and addicted to smoking- then maybe that's an addiction problem. Just an idea, not judging. (sarcasm). Ok, so that was tonight. Fun sabath party. Happy Birthday to Tara.

Friday was funny. We all decided to get drunk and watch Super Troopers, then The Passion of the Christ. Strang combination but it worked. We had to decide between Passion or Finding Nemo. It was a tough decision. I think that Passion was pretty good. Only one person in the room was Christian but we all still thought the movie was good.
Saturday, my friend and I didn't get invited to any parties that night. (Joel wanted to flirt with one of our friends, alone). So Zephyer and I played hippy board games and then talked for literally 12 hours! From 5pm until 5am! I think that's a record for me to have a conversation with someone without doing anything else. We had tea and a board game, but we mostly just talked.

I like lists so I'll make a list of stuff that happend this week. It was kind of a slow week.
1. Bad cough. I keep waking myself up at night by coughing. I also freak out people around me and the usually don't sit by me two days in a row, lol. That's ok, they still talk to me, they just don't sit very close to me.
2. homework.
3. eating food
4. sleeping
5. yoga starts tonight I think. I've been looking forward to that.
6. a couple people think I'm stocking them now, lol. I sat by them in the cafeteria and now I keep running into them and accidently doing weird, emberising things infront of them.
7. Trying to find some interesting hobbies and interests. So far I have sociology, psychology, reading, sewing, feminism, philosophy, LGBT stuff, yoga, working out, interior decorating, painting, us history, going for walks, music, writing, gardening, crafts. I want more though. So if anyone has any suggestions, that would be cool.