Things not to do to impress a girl:
1. Don't make fun of your friend just because you want to sound better then her ex-boyfriend, especially if she and her ex are still friends.
2. Don't tell her you know every detail about her previous sex life.
3. Don't tell obvious, blatant lies
4. Don't tease her and make her think there are bugs in her hair.
5. Don't touch her if she constantly backs away from you and tries to not sit by you.
6. Don't stare at her at dinner.
7. Don't tell her that she should lower her standards of not wanting to sleep with a guy right away by saying that sex right away is a "loving thing to do".
8. Don't make her feel bad about the way her ex boyfriends treated her
9. Don't blatantly try to sell yourself in every way you think she'd be impressed by, especially when you don't know her.
10. Don't tell a girl you're interested in her right after you told her you know every detail about how he thought her ex's used her for sex and that she shouldn't hold herself back with abstinence, even if it's in the hopes of not getting hurt anymore.

Unfortunately one guy did all of these in the last week. It didn't work so well. I was kind of mad and a bit creeped out.

So, I moved back into my parent's house on the 15th. I worked almost everyday before I left. I was so busy packing and sorting through stuff. I got to the dorms on Friday. I got unpacked pretty quickly. I went to dinner with my parents. Then I went to party at Joel's new house. It was a really fun party. I met some pretty chill people. I was in a bad mood earlier that day, and I was pretty uptight at the party, but it was still fun. It was good to see Joel, Bob, Katherine, and Tia again. I was glad that I wasn't sitting at home my first weekend back, that would have made me really sad.
I went to lunch with my parents on Saturday. I talked to some of my friends from last year, then I went to Joel's house for another party. That was a fun party too. There were some hot guys who were really annoying, lol. I didn't talk to them very much. I met one cute guy who seemed nice and interesting.
I ran into a girl in the cafeteria who I knew from one of the parties. I talked to some of her rough guy friends. They were alright, but I realized that I really don't care to talk to boys who are vulgar, rude, disrespectful- especially in the begining. That's sad that a lot of girls still like to talk to and date the raunchy, bad boys then feel hurt when they finally realize that those boys aren't very nice. I've met a couple nice guys and know a few more nice guys, so hopefully I can use them as examples and won't lower my standards of dating.

Interesting day today. I woke up around 11am. Watched Dharma and Greg and Yes Dear, ate oatmeal. Talked to Vince and Big D on IM. Then I made some Tofu Sushi for the first time. I love it! I love sushi, but it's so expensive at restaurants and I don't want to eat raw fish I prepared myself. Then I left an hour and half before I was suppose to hang out with the girl I met at Ladyfest. I drove right past the theatre we were suppose to meet at. I planned on getting there early and reading in the parking lot. I decided to drive around and get back there before I was suppose to meet her. I got horribly lost though, which I should have expected considering it's Denver and I know that I don't know how to get back onto that part of that road! So, I drove around in circles trying to get back. I called her to tell her that I was lost. Then called a half hour later to tell her I was still lost. Then I suddenly realized that I was actually on a road that took me directly back to my house! How the hell does someone get lost an hour away from their house, downtown, think they are going in relatively the right direction and end up by their house! I'm thinking this was either: 1. Me sub-consciously sabotaging any possible relationship/date like I have been doing with everyone for the past year, 2. Some psychic/spiritual guidance telling me to just go home tonight, 3. A really odd coincidence. Before I left, I was thinking about it being nice to just stay home instead, but I knew I would have fun, so I made myself stop thinking that. And now that I'm back home I wished I was out with her, but I know that if I was on my way to hang out with her I would wish I was doing something else, although I think if I was with her- I would be having fun yet feeling unsure still. I thought I was done sabotaging every possible relationship. I didn't run away from Trevor or Mike (although Mike's Mormon and it wouldn't have lasted long most likely and Trevor is young and I assumed before that he wouldn't say yes to dating me). It could have been me freaking out about not knowing if I like women still. I was listening to Dispatch and totally daydreaming about the lead singer (male) instead of thinking about the upcoming date- which I usually do. I don't know. Oh well I guess. It is sad that I didn't get to go out on my last Saturday here and the last time I'd get to see her this summer. I finally got a hold of her. She was waiting at the theater for an hour for me! I was calling her house phone thinking it was her cell phone! I felt so bad that she had to wait! She told me that she'd email me while I'm at school and that she'd save her movie passes for when I'm in town. I thought that was sweet and it shows that she's not pissed enough to not want to talk to me, which is good. I'll apologize to her again when she emails and hopefully we can still be friends over emails and chatting enough to hang out over breaks. I wonder why she wants to talk to me and hang out with me even though I won't be in town most of the year and she barely knows me. That makes me think she is interested in more than friends, or she just really really wants more friends. Who knows. I'm pretty sure it was a date, but I'm not even sure about that now that I think about it. I'm going to stop thinking now! lol. I'm so confused!

I discovered a really cool drive today. It starts off on my favorite high way that goes through the mountains, then it goes onto a really cool road that goes through the forrest, then it goes onto another road that goes through valleys, then it goes through one of my favorite small towns. It's so beautiful and I found out by chance that it goes through all those places (like a loop). The clouds were stormy which made them really pretty but it didn't rain much. If winters weren't so cold and snowy here and I would totally retire here, but you never know what I'll prefer then, lol. I woke up at 8:45am today! A lady came to adopt my roommates grey hound and we had a guy mowing our lawn and a guy doing tile in the bathroom. It was so noisey! There were 5 dogs barking, lawn mower, and hammering. I drank coffee and finished reading two of my library books. I played Sims and baked cookies. Over-all a nice day.

Hella awesome night tonight! I just got back home. I found out yesterday that my favorite music festival of all time was happening this week! I'm so glad that I found out yesterday, because today was probably the only day I could go. I decided to only call my open-minded, female friends, who would probably have fun (lol, so I ended up only thinking of two people, and I lost one of their phone numbers!). I couldn't get a hold of them, so I decided to go by myself- although the last time I went I really wished that I was alone so I could mingle instead of having to entertain and reassure the people I was with. I got there way early (about 7pm). I found a table of girls sitting in the back, so I sat with them and asked them when everything was going to happen with the concerts. We ended up talking for quite a while. I guess the girl Lesley was an artist who was doing free body painting. When the concert stuff started I decided to sit with them at the table. She asked me if I could take over her booth for her so she could get some food, she told me I could paint people if I wanted! lol. I thought that was awesome, but I only know how to paint certain kinds of flowers, but I did watch her booth for her. Her nieces didn't talk much, but I think they didn't care if I hung around them. Lesley was so cool! She's one of those people who I would have hoped to talk to during the previous years and didn't get a chance to. I met so many people through sitting at the painting booth. I got to meet a lot of the band members, poets, and cool audience members. Lesley bought me diner, which was very nice. Then she asked me to dance with her to the hip hop band (not touching dancing, but still fast pace dancing). Then I got her raffle tickets like she wanted and right away she won tickets to an artsy movie theatre. She invited me to go with her tomorrow. I have to work them, but I was really happy she asked me. She also invited me (and convinced me) to go to the after party/independent film show. I decided to meet her there. The films were ok. It was a book store that I always wanted to go to (for years now!), but haven't because people were too scared of the bookstore (anarchist store) or the area (East Colfax). It wasn't that bad though. It does get scary when the bars close though. I talked to and mildly flirted with some hippy/punk people and some cute girls (?, lol. I think they were butch women, I'm not entirely sure, cute anyway). Lesley and I talked for a while, then she walked me to my car and I drove her to hers. She told me she would call me and tell me about what's going on tomorrow and if anything fun happens while I'm in town, she promised to call me. I got home around 3:15am.

I realized that I did so many things tonight that would have scared me too much three years ago, examples:
1. Went anywhere alone
2. Talked to and tried to make friends with strangers (invited myself to hang out with them)
3. Drove to downtown
4. Parallel parked (twice)
5. Danced
6. Drove in the heart of down town alone
7. Went to "scary" bookstore, late at night (midnight) even
8. Had a rainbow painted on my hand (although that would have only scared me when I was 14 or younger).
9. The fact that I was driving at all, anywhere would have scared me before.
10. Didn't run away or get too shy when I wasn't sure if people wanted to talk to me or not. (a lot of them were really cool and friendly, and laughed at my stories :-).

Also- I realized tonight how to meet people! This has been a major concern of mine for a long time now. I've only really met people at school or at work. Then when I realized that I was older than most people at work and I realized that I'd be out of school possibly forever after a few more years- that I would have to meet people elsewhere. I tried hitting on random people I met through business (the apartment guy). I tried meeting friends of friends (Mike, was the only one of Jefferson's friends that I met that I liked like that). Work (Trevor, who ended up being too young). Some random people I don't know in the area contacted me on myspace, but I found that creepy. I started running by the park, which might be a good way to meet people if I want to join in a soccer game or a youth group volleyball game. I didn't try meeting people at church this summer, that might work. But this was really cool tonight, I realized that activist stuff, festivals, concerts, etc. are actually a good way to meet people. I always thought it would be much harder than it was to talk to strangers and become friends with them. It's funny that I just realized this toward the end of the summer and I'm just now getting the guts to try this theory out, but that's ok, I'm just glad I figured it out now, so I'm not totally scared of the real world (as much) anymore. There's still some things I want to experiment with as far as meeting people and what not (ex: coffee shops maybe).

Also- I'm trying to figure out what it is in people that I'm attracted to or not attracted to. I had a few moments tonight when I realized that I wasn't really attracted to anyone in the room. Then I saw a few cute guys I was attracted to. Then I was attracted to a couple cute, skinny, butch, country clothed girls. Then there was a cute women who was very girly, wearing a sun dress. I like Mohawks, dirty hippies and punks (lol). Women and men with shaved heads or funky hair cuts. I noticed that the only general theme was people who clearly have a very feminine and masculine side to them. I like women who are really strong mentally and strong physically too. But that also have a really vulnerable, sweet, lovey-dovey side too. I also like people who are really outgoing, but not loud or obnoxious or don’t have patience for shy people. I like activists and people who are generally obsessed with a social/political movement. I don’t know why I wasn’t very attracted to Lesley. She gets points for being an artist (painter), an activist (Native American stuff), she’s confident, outgoing, mature, fun, open minded, understood me being shy and included me into her group right away, wasn’t afraid to invite me to stuff, etc. She is pretty girly though. She had on an old fashion sun dress, she dances girly, she’s curvy, long hair, girly personality, not really a masculine side at all, a little bit of a mommy persona- but not really (she has three kids and is only 25! And one of them is 9!). I don’t really know if she just wants to be friends or if she’s somewhat interested- it really could be either. Who knows. I’m just glad to have met her and got to have such a cool night! I think I’m still attracted to females, I don’t know. It could be that I just haven’t gotten that close emotionally with a girl I was really attracted to. I think that I’m just attracted to certain kinds of girls and certain kinds of guys right now and that it just so happens that I know more guys like that then girls (it use to be the other way around when I was looking for other qualities). So I think that’s my point that I didn’t know at the beginning of the paragraph, lol. What I’m looking for in a person changes over the years and it depends on where I am (less lesbians in GJ) and the qualities I like that make me lean more to liking a certain gender, persona, etc. and depends on how many people have those traits. Yeah, I think that makes sense.

I've had some interesting dreams lately. I haven't been watching that much tv, but I keep dreaming about people on my tv shows. I dreamed that I was an actress on the show Yes Dear. I was suppose to be having a cute, cuddly moment with the man playing my husband. When the scene was over, we stayed cuddled up and he brushed the hair off my face and we had a sweet, caring moment. Then I dreamed that Tim and Leland, from the show Dog The Bounty Hunter, came to my rescue when I was in danger from something (who knows what). Tim comforted me since I was still scared. He rubbed my arm and brushed the hair off my face (that's an odd theme- I think a psychologist would find it interesting, lol). Then Leland told me everything would be ok, gave me a hug, and held me for a while. I also remember baking bread with my Grandma at her house, which totally doesn't fit with the theme of the earlier dreams, but still a nice dream.

In 18 days, I'll be back at college! Ya! I made a list of stuff I want to do before I leave, I'm so happy to be going back! This summer was kind of boring. I miss everyone at school, the dorms, the cafeteria, the parties, having tons of people my age around, the rec center, people to hike with, etc.