Hella awesome night tonight! I just got back home. I found out yesterday that my favorite music festival of all time was happening this week! I'm so glad that I found out yesterday, because today was probably the only day I could go. I decided to only call my open-minded, female friends, who would probably have fun (lol, so I ended up only thinking of two people, and I lost one of their phone numbers!). I couldn't get a hold of them, so I decided to go by myself- although the last time I went I really wished that I was alone so I could mingle instead of having to entertain and reassure the people I was with. I got there way early (about 7pm). I found a table of girls sitting in the back, so I sat with them and asked them when everything was going to happen with the concerts. We ended up talking for quite a while. I guess the girl Lesley was an artist who was doing free body painting. When the concert stuff started I decided to sit with them at the table. She asked me if I could take over her booth for her so she could get some food, she told me I could paint people if I wanted! lol. I thought that was awesome, but I only know how to paint certain kinds of flowers, but I did watch her booth for her. Her nieces didn't talk much, but I think they didn't care if I hung around them. Lesley was so cool! She's one of those people who I would have hoped to talk to during the previous years and didn't get a chance to. I met so many people through sitting at the painting booth. I got to meet a lot of the band members, poets, and cool audience members. Lesley bought me diner, which was very nice. Then she asked me to dance with her to the hip hop band (not touching dancing, but still fast pace dancing). Then I got her raffle tickets like she wanted and right away she won tickets to an artsy movie theatre. She invited me to go with her tomorrow. I have to work them, but I was really happy she asked me. She also invited me (and convinced me) to go to the after party/independent film show. I decided to meet her there. The films were ok. It was a book store that I always wanted to go to (for years now!), but haven't because people were too scared of the bookstore (anarchist store) or the area (East Colfax). It wasn't that bad though. It does get scary when the bars close though. I talked to and mildly flirted with some hippy/punk people and some cute girls (?, lol. I think they were butch women, I'm not entirely sure, cute anyway). Lesley and I talked for a while, then she walked me to my car and I drove her to hers. She told me she would call me and tell me about what's going on tomorrow and if anything fun happens while I'm in town, she promised to call me. I got home around 3:15am.

I realized that I did so many things tonight that would have scared me too much three years ago, examples:
1. Went anywhere alone
2. Talked to and tried to make friends with strangers (invited myself to hang out with them)
3. Drove to downtown
4. Parallel parked (twice)
5. Danced
6. Drove in the heart of down town alone
7. Went to "scary" bookstore, late at night (midnight) even
8. Had a rainbow painted on my hand (although that would have only scared me when I was 14 or younger).
9. The fact that I was driving at all, anywhere would have scared me before.
10. Didn't run away or get too shy when I wasn't sure if people wanted to talk to me or not. (a lot of them were really cool and friendly, and laughed at my stories :-).

Also- I realized tonight how to meet people! This has been a major concern of mine for a long time now. I've only really met people at school or at work. Then when I realized that I was older than most people at work and I realized that I'd be out of school possibly forever after a few more years- that I would have to meet people elsewhere. I tried hitting on random people I met through business (the apartment guy). I tried meeting friends of friends (Mike, was the only one of Jefferson's friends that I met that I liked like that). Work (Trevor, who ended up being too young). Some random people I don't know in the area contacted me on myspace, but I found that creepy. I started running by the park, which might be a good way to meet people if I want to join in a soccer game or a youth group volleyball game. I didn't try meeting people at church this summer, that might work. But this was really cool tonight, I realized that activist stuff, festivals, concerts, etc. are actually a good way to meet people. I always thought it would be much harder than it was to talk to strangers and become friends with them. It's funny that I just realized this toward the end of the summer and I'm just now getting the guts to try this theory out, but that's ok, I'm just glad I figured it out now, so I'm not totally scared of the real world (as much) anymore. There's still some things I want to experiment with as far as meeting people and what not (ex: coffee shops maybe).

Also- I'm trying to figure out what it is in people that I'm attracted to or not attracted to. I had a few moments tonight when I realized that I wasn't really attracted to anyone in the room. Then I saw a few cute guys I was attracted to. Then I was attracted to a couple cute, skinny, butch, country clothed girls. Then there was a cute women who was very girly, wearing a sun dress. I like Mohawks, dirty hippies and punks (lol). Women and men with shaved heads or funky hair cuts. I noticed that the only general theme was people who clearly have a very feminine and masculine side to them. I like women who are really strong mentally and strong physically too. But that also have a really vulnerable, sweet, lovey-dovey side too. I also like people who are really outgoing, but not loud or obnoxious or don’t have patience for shy people. I like activists and people who are generally obsessed with a social/political movement. I don’t know why I wasn’t very attracted to Lesley. She gets points for being an artist (painter), an activist (Native American stuff), she’s confident, outgoing, mature, fun, open minded, understood me being shy and included me into her group right away, wasn’t afraid to invite me to stuff, etc. She is pretty girly though. She had on an old fashion sun dress, she dances girly, she’s curvy, long hair, girly personality, not really a masculine side at all, a little bit of a mommy persona- but not really (she has three kids and is only 25! And one of them is 9!). I don’t really know if she just wants to be friends or if she’s somewhat interested- it really could be either. Who knows. I’m just glad to have met her and got to have such a cool night! I think I’m still attracted to females, I don’t know. It could be that I just haven’t gotten that close emotionally with a girl I was really attracted to. I think that I’m just attracted to certain kinds of girls and certain kinds of guys right now and that it just so happens that I know more guys like that then girls (it use to be the other way around when I was looking for other qualities). So I think that’s my point that I didn’t know at the beginning of the paragraph, lol. What I’m looking for in a person changes over the years and it depends on where I am (less lesbians in GJ) and the qualities I like that make me lean more to liking a certain gender, persona, etc. and depends on how many people have those traits. Yeah, I think that makes sense.