Hee hee. My grandma sent me this address. It's kind of cute.

http://img.tapuz.co.il/forums/8572800.swf

Fall break was fun. I got away for a while and got away from everything anoying here. I had a little bit of time to think and not have to listen to anyone else. Last week went by quickly. I hung out with Pat and Colby on Thursday night. We ended up sitting in a laundry room talking until morning, lol. Then we realized that it was morning and we were in a laundry room at the apartments that none of us lived in. lol.
On Friday, the guys who asked out Tara and I offered to cook us dinner. They made a really good meal. Then we watched a movie (Scary movie III). It was a little awkward and I don't really feel like we know each other any better. He seemed like he could be nice but I don't know. I might just be freaked out, or it could be a healthy amount of caution on my part. I don't know.
On Saturday, Phoenix had a dinner party. I played match maker and set him and my friend up. They both knew it was a blind date. It went well so that was cool. I invited Kaylan, Pat, Tom, Eric, and Colby to the dinner too. It was fun. We watched Apen Extreme, Vampires, and Joan of Arc.

So this guy called me yesterday to ask me out (I met him at the party last weekend). That's cool, I was flattered but than I thought about the fact that he only knows me as the really made up, dressed up, drunk girl who just wanted to cuddle with him or Tara. I told him that I'd go on a double date with him, Tara, and our other guy friend (who likes Tara). I called him tonight (to return his call). He sounded really ditsy and weird. I don't know. I'm really leary of anyone right now. I like another guy but I'm realizing that he may not be that cool. He snapped at me a couple of times when he was drunk and he acts a lot like Joel (they are friends). He drives drunk and gets deffensive about it. I think he's a lot more judgemental and self-rigthous than he thinks he is. I've wondered if anyone is any better than that though. But at least I'm not dating a jerk right now, I'm just scared of everyone.

I wasn't planning on going home for fall break, but as I was walking home from class I walked the long way (around the student center) to avoid everyone that may want to take all of my time or giving me more work to do (cultural diversity, members, Pride executives, other friends, etc.). Then I was worried that I would run into the annoying people who don't know me but are always confronting me about whatever they think I'm doing wrong. Then I went to my room and a bunch of my annoying and not annoying friends came to talk to me which was nice but annoying because they argue with everything I say. Then Mel kept trying to convience me that being straight or bi was bad and that I don't really know who I am because I'm not totally a lesbian. Zefer kept telling me a bunch of little things that she thinks are my flaws and kept telling me what to do. Pat was trying to get me to party with him and his friends (which sounded like fun but like it was a bad idea). I decided that I really needed to get away from the stress, annoyingness, other people telling me what to do and what's wrong with me, have time to do my homework, and time away to help me realize that I can be happy somewhere else, that there is more out there, and that it's not the end of the world if I miss out on a party or even a weekend. I've been thinking that something really needed to change. Hopefully this will be a good break.

Wednesday- Three new Feminist Club members! Ya!

Thursday- I got to plan and be in charge of the Pride meeting (the president was at another meeting). Big party at Farv's house. I didn't get home until like 5am, didn't get to sleep until 8am ish.

Friday- The girl's and I decided to not party since we had partied so hard yesterday. We played cards instead.

Saturday- Pride helped to bring Journey to a Hate-free Millinium to the school. Romain Patterson was the speaker (Mathew Shepard's best friend), then there was the JHFM movie. It was amazing. Most people there were crying. It all hit so close to home. They showed pictures of Columbine and some stuff DU did in memory of the holocaust. They also showed this place in Denver that was like a suportive lgbt club that I've been. It was eering seeing all these places that I've been to and that are right by my house on a movie like that. It was a really moving movie. I recomend it to anyone who has a club, church, organization that might want to show it. (they will happily let you play it if you contact them).

Later that night we had a party with Jefferson. We watched hours and hours of Family Guy and played cards. We didn't get home until after 7am. I wanted to go home earlier, but no one else did and I didn't realize how close we were to the school. That kind of sucked. I got mad because no one was listening to me the whole night (ex: telling my friend that his jokes were offending the girls. He didn't listen even after the 5th time Zefer threw her water bottle at him). (ex: Me telling him to leave my jacket with me so I wont forget it- he put it in the other room that we couldn't get into and I had to walk home without my jacket). There were more examples too.

Sunday- I woke up late in the afternoon, had dinner, felt like a slacker. I made a schedule and a plan to get organized again. I really need to get more work done for school. I still got distracted a few times but mostly I was able to turn everyone down who asked for my time and help (I've been doing so much to help other people with stuff they should do themselves that I don't have time for my homework and I get really stressed out).

Monday- I went to all my classes and work. I have 3 hours to do homework before I have a discussion meeting for National Coming Out Day. I'm excited because I was the one to think of and plan this event so I hope it goes well.

I was reading Kevin's live journal from a few days ago. I really liked the part that he looked back on where he was in his life in 3month incraments. I've actually been thinking about that before I had read it on his site. I was thinking about how much things have changed considering where I was a year ago. It's also cool/weird to think about where you were few years ago. So here is my three month at a time past:

Now:
- school: going to classes now, being productive, doing a little more homework, still falling behind though and having a hard time prioritizing things.
- friends: Some cool friends at the school and other people I just hang out with and maybe still consider friends.
- relationships: scared to like anyone right now. 2 crushes. Trying to be open minded but still more scared of getting hurt than anything.
- mood: Mostly happy, mostly confused about everything, overwhelmed, stressed out, periods of being angry and confused

3 months ago:
- school: school was out, was working 2 jobs
- friends: some friends in town. Mostly Jefferson and my friends who I can't relate to any more.
- relationships: disapointed and hurt from past relationships. Bitter and angry toward everyone. Refused to even think about having a crush.
- mood:bitter, angery, confused, depressed, etc.

6 months ago:
- school: slacking off completely, not going to class often, little homework done
- friends: really cool friends!
-relationships: good relationship, some what flawed but mostly good. Had fun being with him. Kind of worried about the relationship but not too worried.
- mood: overall good, felt like a slacker though, stressed about relationship and friend stuff every once in a while though.

9 months ago:
- school: working somewhat hard in school
- friends: awesome friends!
- relationships: I was just getting back into a really bad relationship with ex boyfriend.
- mood: still sad from all the drama of past few months, confused, hoped to be more independent.

12 months ago:
- school: totally inspired, did lots of homework and went to all my classes.
- friends: just started to make a few good friends, was starting to have more fun than I ever had before.
- relationships: Was in a bad relationship with one person but moving into what I thought would be a really great relationship. Extremely excited about the new boyfriend who I though was awesome.
- mood: extremely happy, confident, self assured, and hopeful