So this guy called me yesterday to ask me out (I met him at the party last weekend). That's cool, I was flattered but than I thought about the fact that he only knows me as the really made up, dressed up, drunk girl who just wanted to cuddle with him or Tara. I told him that I'd go on a double date with him, Tara, and our other guy friend (who likes Tara). I called him tonight (to return his call). He sounded really ditsy and weird. I don't know. I'm really leary of anyone right now. I like another guy but I'm realizing that he may not be that cool. He snapped at me a couple of times when he was drunk and he acts a lot like Joel (they are friends). He drives drunk and gets deffensive about it. I think he's a lot more judgemental and self-rigthous than he thinks he is. I've wondered if anyone is any better than that though. But at least I'm not dating a jerk right now, I'm just scared of everyone.

I wasn't planning on going home for fall break, but as I was walking home from class I walked the long way (around the student center) to avoid everyone that may want to take all of my time or giving me more work to do (cultural diversity, members, Pride executives, other friends, etc.). Then I was worried that I would run into the annoying people who don't know me but are always confronting me about whatever they think I'm doing wrong. Then I went to my room and a bunch of my annoying and not annoying friends came to talk to me which was nice but annoying because they argue with everything I say. Then Mel kept trying to convience me that being straight or bi was bad and that I don't really know who I am because I'm not totally a lesbian. Zefer kept telling me a bunch of little things that she thinks are my flaws and kept telling me what to do. Pat was trying to get me to party with him and his friends (which sounded like fun but like it was a bad idea). I decided that I really needed to get away from the stress, annoyingness, other people telling me what to do and what's wrong with me, have time to do my homework, and time away to help me realize that I can be happy somewhere else, that there is more out there, and that it's not the end of the world if I miss out on a party or even a weekend. I've been thinking that something really needed to change. Hopefully this will be a good break.