Today was a pretty good day. I spent most the morning just hanging out at home and painting. I painted a new pot to replant one of my plants. My mom finally let me cook. (I'm usually not allowed to cook or bake, ever). I made spaghetti with home-made sauce, a salad with home-made dressing, sliced oranges, and garlic bread. It was a lot of fun to cook and it turn out pretty good. My friend Keli and I went to Jefferson's house to watch the movie Master and Commander. We got distracted played chess too long and we could only watch half the movie (I still have a curfew). I thought the movie was really good. I really want to see the end sometime.
I'm kind of nervous about work training tommorrow, but I bet it will be fine. I think it's mostly training videos. I know the other trainees were nervous too. I'm not too nervous, but I will feel better once I know what I'm suppost to do.

Today started off disapointing. I had plans to get Japanese food for dinner than go to a coffe house with my brother and one of my friends. But my friend found out last minute that she really couldn't go. Then my brother didn't call me or return my phone calls for hours after he said he would. So my plans didn't work out. I had wanted to do something fun tonight since it would be one off my last free days for a while. I felt even more sad b/c I've been feeling like I wished I had more friends, anyway. I decided that I would call my friend Keli to see if she wanted to go to Target with me. She said sure. We had a good time. We hung out and watched tv at her place too. It was good that we had things to do, not just talking. I was thinking that we really need to have more fun and less talking if things were to get better between us. I hung out with her for about 5 hours. It didn't seem that long and I feel better about our friendship agian. (there are still some little problems, but it's not hopeless at all). I'm really glad that I called her.

It turns out that I did get the job at the movie theather! That's really cool. I decided to not take the job at the othre restaurant. I'm just going to work at the theater and my old restaunt. I'm excited about both. I start training in a few days for the theater. I will probably get to start work at the restaurant in early June. So I still have a weekend to do whatever I want without having to schedule anything in. I met three other people that I might work with. One of the girl's name was Sarah. She and I became friends pretty fast. She's a super perky, nice, 15 year old morman girl. lol. Well, hopefully we can be friends, at work, if I don't scare her too much.

Warning- psychoanalytical ranting:
I wanted to do something to celebrate me getting a job. I couldn't get a hold of my good friends though, and I didn't really feel like hanging out with my other friends (either they are really wild, literally crazy, too busy, ect). I kind of wish that I had more friends here. I have a couple jobs now, hobbies, classes to take, and some volunteering options- to keep me busy. So boredom isn't really the problem. I just wish that I had people to go to concerts with, movies, downtown, shopping, etc. (No offense to my friends here, now. It's just that I wish that there were more of you). I wish that I had more friends that I had a lot in common with. I met some cool people last year, downtown, who had the same political/philisophical ideas, the same hobbies, and we had a lot of stuff to talk about, that I don't really get to talk about with my other friends here. But I was too shy to really become their friend. I think that is what I really want- people that I can talk to about stuff that I can't talk about with my friends here (feminism, sociology, psychology, spirituality, sewing and crafts lol, grassroot politics, philosophy, folk music, conspiracies lol, political/social movements, etc. I love that stuff. I can talk about quite a few of those things with people from school, but not everything (I love my friends from school- I could talk to them about just about anything (especially Sean), I had a lot more in common with them too. So this mostly just applies to people here. Although few people back there truely enjoyed interior decorating or folk music nearly as much as I do. lol). I knew that there would be a lot more people in the city that would want to talk about those things and that are different like that. I want friends here that don't bring me down so much, and that I don't feel I have to sensor myself around either. I want friends that I can be more wacky with and they won't think that I'm insane. I don't know who I'm going to take to the concert this summer. It's such an awesome, hippy, feminist concert- I really want to go with someone who would enjoy it and not someone who would go to humor me (although if I do ask you to go with me and humor me- please do, that means I've changed my mind and I'd rather have someone humor me than go alone). I think Keli was bored last time and sat politely and watch it like it was tv, and my brother has to get drunk for every concert. I was grateful that Keli wanted to go to the concert just b/c I didn't want to go alone. But I felt like I couldn't really enjoy it b/c I had to be polite and calm and couldn't really get into it (I'm to shy to get that into it, but it would have been nice to be able to relax a little bit). I know that's mostly my fault- I totally feed off of her self consciousness (and my own), and I get really shy in big groups and I hate to dance in public. But I did have a lot more fun when I went with Cara (she thought I was being uptight, and encouraged me to not worry so much). I'm not looking to be encouraged to have fun, I just want to know that I can have fun there and that they won't mind and they'll have fun too. I'm not expecting much- I just want to cheer, dance a little if I'm not too shy, talk to wierd people, and be able to show that I'm excited about the concert. I know that it's my issue, and my shyness has a lot to do with it. I care too much what my friends and strangers think about me. I don't know. I'm thinking about selling the second ticket and going alone. Maybe then I wont have to act the way people expect me to act (my issue too, I know) and I wont have to keep explaining things to them (like why the scary hippy people aren't really that scary, and how second hand pot smoke isn't immoral to breath). I feed off of other people's energy a lot of times. It would be cool to go with someone laid back and really into the music. You know how you can get really excited about something if the other person is too, or really hyper if the other person is too?- that's what I'm thinking. Ok now I'm repeating myself- I'll stop babbling and pscyhoanalysing. Did I mention that I'm a sociology and psychology major? lol.

I had an interview for the movie theater today. It went really well, but like the other place I had an interview, I don't think they want to hire someone for just 2 and a half months. Oh well, I think I can get my old job back. My old boss said that I could probably start working for him in early June. He also gave me the number of his sister's restaurant and told me that I could probably work there too. So I will probably be able to work at a couple places this summer- at fun places too. I'm really happy about that. I feel like I should be making money. I feel unproductive and irresponisble when I spend money without having a job. I miss just working too. I'll also be nice to work in a restuarant again.

I felt so much better when my parents were gone. When they came back, I realized again how much they stress me out. My mom has been yelling at me to do so many stupid, pointless things. I dread when I hear her walking up the stairs b/c I know she's coming up to yell at me or wake me up. I'm so tense, nervous, and stressed. I'm at the point that absolutely everything annoys me, not just them. I want to lock myself in my room and not come out, but that wont stop them from bugging me. I can't wait for school to start again. I'm so much happier on my own. I even feel so much better about myself. My parents are constantly telling me what I'm doing wrong and what is wrong with me. I've been learning, this year,how to be less stressed and obsessive and worrisome- but it's hard to do that while living with them. Bob Marley would get pissed off and stressed in this house. I hate to complain about them so much, but they are so unbelievably bad. They also control so much of my life that I don't have much else to talk about right now.

I had a really fun week. My parents went out of town for four days. They never go out of town. They barely ever leave the house even. I picked up my boyfriend, Sean, and brought him to my house. He got to see the restaurant I use to work at. We ate chinese food, watched lots of movies like we did at school, went to a park, got ice cream, etc. It was a lot of fun. I was happy that I got to see him. It was really nice to cuddle with him too. :-)
The day after he left, my friend Jefferson and his friend came over to my house for a movie marathon (American Pie I and II). We joked that it would be a great party since my parents were gone (me trying to be rebelous). But I fell asleep in the big comfy chair. Raul fell asleep durring the last movie too. So it was just Jefferson up watching movies, lol. So I guess it wasn't really a wild party.
I spent most of today designing a miniture Japanese house. I like to plan out the interior designs, layout of the house, and the senery in the windows. It's fun painting the walls and building the mini furniture. This house will have 3 bedrooms- room 1 will be a buddhist theme, room 2 will be a zen-like room, room 3 will be more of a Japanese city theme. The bathroom will be a Japanese winter theme. The kitchen and dining room will be contemporary. The living room will be more traditional Japanese. There will be a meditation sun room and a Kareoke party room. I think it'll be really cool.