So I quit Pride club in a crying, cursing, confrontational meeting. I really had the last of that club. I hated every part of it. I hated most of the executive and I was always the bad guy. I threw an awesome Halloween dance at the school and they accused it of being to straight! I told them that I was trying to include everyone and that I wanted to bring back some of the members who are never coming back to the other people's events because of their problems and incidences (two guys jerking each other off at a party, a sex talk radio host getting uncomfortable, the underwear and pee on lube incident, etc.) Hmmm... innocent Halloween concert with a Christian band or orgy party... which would the school look down on more...hmmm. So really I think that they are just looking for reasons to be mean to the less popular of the group (many other people feel the same way). It's been a long time since we've had a meeting where someone hasn't cried. I'm so extremely glad that I quit. I have enough time to homework finally. I also have been a lot less stressed and a bunch of my problems with people and their stress on me went away.
I decided to have a quiet weekend last weekend. I cleaned my room and went to be early on Friday. Saturday, Tara and I went to the mall, went for a walk, then watched tv. Then I spent Sunday doing homework. It was good. I also got all of my homework done today, and that's awesome! I had a lot to do.

I went to my classes today. I found out that my stalker has a crush on me and is willing to ditch classes to eat lunch with me. He knows where I live now and I see him a few times a day. He made me a couple of cds which was mildly creepy. I was kind of stressed still and I think I'm starting to get a cold. I decided to go to the grocery store and my grandma's house. She made me chicken nuggets, salad, and ice cream. That made me feel a little better. I realized that I forgot about meeting one of my friends at 6pm. I think I've forgotten about him like 3 or more times now. That's sucks. I don't know how I can do that so many times and not on purpose. I also alienated a few of my other friends by bottling up every reason I'd be mad at them and then blowing up at them or ignoring them when I'm stressed. I also keep forgetting to call this one guy I'm dating. Although he's still calling me, which is nice. I still don't know if I like him, the other guy I'm dating, or if I want to date at all. The other guy asked me to go out of town with him in a couple weeks (we just started dating a week ago). He also has asked me out to so many things in the last week, I got kind of freaked out. I don't have time to date and I really don't want to get hurt. I also don't know if I don't like either of them or if I'm just scared to like anyone. I ignored the one guy at the Halloween dance and hung out with both of my ex's instead. That probably looked bad and I knew that it did when I was doing it. He also doesn't like me partying and is trying to make me more political. I hate thinking that I have to explain myself to someone or not do something (like partying) because they don't want me to. I have given up partying for one person, but that was because I wanted to spend that time with him- not because he asked me to stop partying. I just saw the one guy I'm dating. He told me that he's not going to be coming to anymore of my clubs. I know that he was asking for me to reach out to him and rescue him (he said that he needed a hug- which has always meant that he wants a hug and to talk). I was on my balcony and didn't invite him up to talk. I gave him an "air hug" and said that I hope he feels better soon and that I'd miss him at the meetings. He looked sad and left quickly. I feel bad that he's sad and that I may have something to do with it. I don't want him to take it personally that I'm distant toward him, I just don't want what he wants right now. I've been feeling so guilty lately about being more assertive and honest with people. I feel bad that I don't like him more and that I'm not going to spare the time and energy that I don't have to solve him problems when I'm just trying to solve my own. I also don't mean for this blog entry to be a hypocritical me complaining about people complaining. I understand that if you don't want to hear it, then you'll probably stop reading this entry and that's ok. I'll try not to complain in my entries for a while.