I went to my classes today. I found out that my stalker has a crush on me and is willing to ditch classes to eat lunch with me. He knows where I live now and I see him a few times a day. He made me a couple of cds which was mildly creepy. I was kind of stressed still and I think I'm starting to get a cold. I decided to go to the grocery store and my grandma's house. She made me chicken nuggets, salad, and ice cream. That made me feel a little better. I realized that I forgot about meeting one of my friends at 6pm. I think I've forgotten about him like 3 or more times now. That's sucks. I don't know how I can do that so many times and not on purpose. I also alienated a few of my other friends by bottling up every reason I'd be mad at them and then blowing up at them or ignoring them when I'm stressed. I also keep forgetting to call this one guy I'm dating. Although he's still calling me, which is nice. I still don't know if I like him, the other guy I'm dating, or if I want to date at all. The other guy asked me to go out of town with him in a couple weeks (we just started dating a week ago). He also has asked me out to so many things in the last week, I got kind of freaked out. I don't have time to date and I really don't want to get hurt. I also don't know if I don't like either of them or if I'm just scared to like anyone. I ignored the one guy at the Halloween dance and hung out with both of my ex's instead. That probably looked bad and I knew that it did when I was doing it. He also doesn't like me partying and is trying to make me more political. I hate thinking that I have to explain myself to someone or not do something (like partying) because they don't want me to. I have given up partying for one person, but that was because I wanted to spend that time with him- not because he asked me to stop partying. I just saw the one guy I'm dating. He told me that he's not going to be coming to anymore of my clubs. I know that he was asking for me to reach out to him and rescue him (he said that he needed a hug- which has always meant that he wants a hug and to talk). I was on my balcony and didn't invite him up to talk. I gave him an "air hug" and said that I hope he feels better soon and that I'd miss him at the meetings. He looked sad and left quickly. I feel bad that he's sad and that I may have something to do with it. I don't want him to take it personally that I'm distant toward him, I just don't want what he wants right now. I've been feeling so guilty lately about being more assertive and honest with people. I feel bad that I don't like him more and that I'm not going to spare the time and energy that I don't have to solve him problems when I'm just trying to solve my own. I also don't mean for this blog entry to be a hypocritical me complaining about people complaining. I understand that if you don't want to hear it, then you'll probably stop reading this entry and that's ok. I'll try not to complain in my entries for a while.