I woke up this morning, put on my new nun outfit and went to check out horror and Armageddon films. I realized that I don't like watching romantic movies any more, I either think they seem fake or I find them depressing. I've noticed that people stand closer to you when you wear a nun outfit (especially old people). You get funny looks though when you rent horror films. lol. I watched The Day After Tomorrow. It was good. It kept my full attention the whole time and the dog didn’t die. The dog usually dies in those kind of movies. After the movie I had to be in the same room with my parents while I made myself dinner. I haven't been able to get through an entire meal with them without crying. This time they weren't even eating with me and still made me cry within 10 minutes of dinner. They left the house for a while to go out to dinner. I started to get into my car to drive, but I realized that I'd have to come back eventually and at least they aren't home, so I should stay. I've had three public break downs while being with my parents. I can usually control myself enough to not cry in front of them, but lately it's been too much. I was hoping to find some happiness here so I wouldn't be as upset about things in Grand Junction, but I that hasn't happen. I haven't found any more hope, inspiration, or moments of happiness or calm. I don't know what to do or think about anything anymore. I don't want to stay here, but there's too much stress in Grand Junction too. I worry that I won't be happy even if I leave both places, there will just be new reasons to be stressed out and sad. I think I will try to stay away from this house as much as possible. I don't care if I'm still sick, I need to get out. I don't know if there's much out there or if it will make me feel better, but it has to be better than here. I don’t want to be so caught up in my despair and problems. I concentrate too much on what’s going on now and I don’t think about the fact that there is more out there, more people, more things to look forward to. I worry that things will just get worse though. I want to forget about all of my problems here and in GJ for a while and see what(if there are) good things I can find in the world.